How to avoid regrets on your deathbed

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How to avoid regrets on your deathbed


There’s been quite a bit of talk lately about the regrets that people come to realize when they are on their death bed. There comes a time, when all that you are able to do is look back and reflect on your life and the choices you made. You spend your final days, weeks or months looking back at what went right, and what went wrong in your life.

For most, they experienced extreme clarity and wisdom upon looking back on their lives and formed regrets on how they lived life. A palliative nurse was counseling the dying during their last few days on earth, and she documented the top regrets she heard from those at the end of their lives.

You can read the full article here, Top five regrets of the dying.

But something I did notice, was that people do not regret the things they did in life, but they regret the things they didn’t do…

“No one on his deathbed ever said, I wish I had spent more time on my business.”
-Paul Tsongas

In this post, I will go through the top 5 regrets experienced by people on their deathbed and hope to give you some tips on how to avoid such regrets when your time comes. These are just the main regrets, and while I am not saying you won’t still feel some regrets, hopefully, this will prevent the biggest ones.


I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself,
not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people reached the end of their life, they had time to reflect back on the lives they had and deeply regret not being true to themselves and what they really wanted to do in life. They wished they hadn’t just done what everyone told them they needed to do and would have rather had the courage to follow their hearts.

Falling into this trap is very common. It’s terribly unfortunate, but alas it is most common for people to do. We always deep down inside knows what our hearts want, but many fail to listen to it and instead does what everyone else thinks is the “best” way to live. Just because everyone else is doing it, doesn’t mean you have to as well, and even though it may have worked well for others, doesn’t guarantee it’ll work for you.

How to avoid:

  • Learning to listen to that voice inside is very important in order to not feeling regrets on your deathbed.
  • Taking a chance on yourself and spending some time getting to know yourself,
    read: Why getting to know yourself is so important in life
  • Once you know who you truly are inside, (hint you are not your name) you will realize exactly what you need to do in life, and the path will unfold for you naturally.
  • Learning to quiet the mind through meditation, or by other peaceful activities such as yoga or going on nature walks. By doing so, you will be able to hear your inner self-speak, and what it truly wants for your life, and it wants whats best for you! Its never too late to start! Even if you just started painting, like you’ve always wanted to do, then do it! You never know what could happen until you try!

I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

This one was mostly said by men, wishing they had spent more time with their families or more time doing the things they loved instead of working their days away at the office. They wished they hadn’t worked so many hours overtime, missing countless family dinners, birthdays, special events, etc. Women also said this, but not as often as men do to the fact that women were usually at home with the babies during that era. Spending too much time working is, of course, a common regret, which can be avoided with an opened mind. We are after all conditioned to think that we need to work (this much) in order to feel accomplished, or successful in life… This belief we hold is so limiting because by spending all your time at work, you don’t have the time then to do the things in life that make you happy, thus causing regrets at the end….

How to avoid:

  • Don’t work so much. Its easier said than done I know, but realizing that this is a very common regret amongst people must make you prompt the question why…? Why do people regret working so much? Maybe when you get to the end of your life, you realize that all that time you spent working in order to afford a fancy car, or a nice home filled with a bunch of nice stuff was all useless now. It’s all meaningless, you don’t take it with you when you die. You realize that you’ll never get the time back from work, and you can miss so many wonderful experiences in life by having to work a rigid schedule.
  • Find out your true passions in life, and then do them instead of working. Then you will never feel like you worked a day in your life because you felt like you were playing!
  • Realize that you don’t need millions of dollars to be “happy” as I learned while reading this book: Book Review: Playing the matrix Happiness is the most important thing we should strive for in life, above all else.
  • Practice living minimally, that way you do not have to work so damn much to pay for all your stuff because you won’t have much! Cut back on life’s little luxuries, so that you can afford to not spend so many hours of time behind the desk. You will realize that at the end of your day you didn’t even miss your Starbucks drink, or $15 lunch, and you greatly enjoyed being able to get out of work an hour earlier to go for an afternoon walk at the park. You don’t always need to spend money to be happy, after all, its the little things in life.


I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppress how they feel inside in order to please others, and not cause any conflict, or because they are scared what someone might think of them. By doing so, they end up settling for mediocracy and following the herd,  never allowing themselves to reach the potential they are truly capable of. Before they know it, illness starts taking over because of all the negativity they’ve kept bottled inside and they begin going downhill from there.

How to avoid:

  • Courage is not something you obtain, its something you have had inside you all along, you just need to remember this, and go find the courageous you.
  • When you begin to learn about yourself, you begin to form truths about who you are, and when you start to build your life on the foundation of your truth, you realize that you have the courage to express your true feelings to others.
  • March to the beat of your own drum, and don’t let others hold you back because they will certainly try…. People don’t like to see others advance and progress through life, which is why you will lose people along the way. They won’t like the new you, and that’s okay because you are living true to yourself, and that’s all that matters.
  • The best thing you can do is help them realize they too are living life all wrong, and show them the way to a more fulfilling life where you can be whoever you want to be.

I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Everyone misses their friends when they are dying, it’s a very common regret amongst everyone. Many people become so caught up in the day to day tasks and deadlines that they put their old friends on the side burner and never manage to pick the relationship back up. People often realize the true power of friendship only when it is already too late, and they spend their final moments wishing they hadn’t lost them over the years.

How to avoid:

  • No matter how busy your life gets, which if you have been following along, working too much is also a big regret, but no matter how busy it gets always make time for lifelong friends.
  • If they don’t reach out to you, reach out to them first. I am sure they are living their lives waiting for you to call them, and you’re waiting for them to call you. Make the first move and reconnect! You’ll be happy you did, and better yet, you won’t regret this one in your final days.
  • True lifelong friends are hard to come by, so making time for the ones you have in your life will give you a peace of mind, and also aids in loneliness which is a big problem when we reach old age. Even having one true friend will be a benefit.

I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Ah, there it is, happiness. A huge issue for a lot of people because it’s so open-ended. Happiness is a mysterious thing that people strive for all their lives, saying oh once I get such and such, then I’ll be happy. So they wait, and wait, and wait, and finally, they get what they wanted, and they feel happy for a week or two, and then they sink right back down into the hole. Happiness is not something you can buy, it’s not something that someone can give you, its something that you must find on your own, and the wonderful thing about happiness is you can be happy anywhere you want in the world, and in cases which some would call extreme suffering. Happiness is a state of mind, which means it doesn’t rely on outside factors. It’s something you can be at any moment throughout the day, regardless of how much money you have in the bank, or if you are in a loving relationship.

How to avoid:

  • Don’t fall into the trap that so many have fallen into over the years, the comfort zone is a sticky trap that can be very hard to crawl out of. Ask yourself, what would make you happier in your daily life and then work towards that state. (Note, do not use money as a thing that will make you happier, or any material possessions for that matter. Find happiness in things that cannot be taken away from you)
  • Don’t fall into the trap that fear has strategically laid out if you manage to lose your fear of death (which you will once you lead a fulfilling life) you will realize that there is absolutely nothing to fear, other than fear itself.
  • Happiness is a state of mind, it is a choice. You can either choose to be happy or unhappy. There is no crime in being happy, sure some might think you’re strange for being so happy, but honestly who cares? We are all headed to the same place, so why not enjoy the journey now before its too late!? Go and be the happy, positive, full of life person you were born to be!

That’s all folks! I am sure there are more regrets people face on their deathbed, but I just took the top 5 regrets. I hope you found this useful and you will start or continue to strive towards living a great life! When you reach the inevitable deathbed, you won’t be full of regrets, but full of great memories and experiences about how you broke the mold and starting living life on your own terms!

“The best way to deal with death is to live in a
fully conscious, compassionate, loving way.
Don’t wait until you’re on your deathbed to recognize that
this is the only way to live.”

-Morrie Schwartz


Other posts you might enjoy!

How to overcome Self-doubt

8 steps to living a better life

Why you need to believe in yourself

What does success mean to you?

Success means different things to different people, which can lead to confusion when you are going after what you believe success is because it might be completely different to someone else. At the end of the day though, it is down to you to decide what success means to you. Which is what we will try to figure out in this post…

So quick now! What does success mean to you!??? 

Is success having a lot of money in the bank, or having a big house or a fancy car? Maybe its simply having a happy and healthy family, or maybe success to you just means living life ho, however, hell you want to and not caring what others think…

I personally lean towards the last one there, my definition of living a successful life is to live life on my own accord and do whatever makes me happy in every moment… This means, that I am successful right here and right now because I have chosen to sit down and write this post because it is making me happy to do so. If I am constantly putting a limit on my success, well that could mean I am constantly chasing it never knowing when I finally caught it. So I just tell myself I am already successful because I do whatever the hell I want.

But this isn’t about me, this is about you and figuring out how you define success…

The actual definition of success is:

  • The accomplishment of an aim or purpose.
  • A person or thing that achieves desired aims or attains prosperity is successful.
  • The attainment of popularity or profit.

Success in life cannot be summed up by one term really. It is in relationships, financial, lifestyle, everything really… So sure you may be “SUCCESSFUL” in the financial department and have millions in the bank, but you fail when it comes to relationships. So does that mean you are successful?

Well yes, it sure does, if your definition of success was to have a lot of money in the bank. But most people don’t actually define success like that anymore, it is much broader than that.

If you want to be successful in life, you are going to be going against the current, it is an uphill battle. But it is worth it at the top, that I can guarantee!

Have you ever gone on a really long hike, and after about 10 minutes of walking uphill you want to quit and turn back? I know I have.. multiple times. But I never have quit, I always see it through to the end, and guess what, I feel like a million bucks everytime I do finish what I started. Why do I tell you this? Well because during this climb to success, you are going to want to quit. A voice inside you will be there saying, “let’s just quit, let’s go back, life was easier before we started to take this journey…”

You must ignore that voice and keep going if you ever want to live an extraordinary life.

By having a growth mindset, and constantly trying to become better, you have no option but to start to become goal orientated, which will, in turn, lead you to build a great life for yourself in every single area you seek to improve.

Always be in the process of growing, improving and changing and you will no doubt become successful. No matter how you choose to define success!

If you want to be successful, follow these three simple steps

  1. Know what you’re doing
  2. Love what you’re doing
  3. Believe in what you are doing

Now it is your turn to decide for yourself what success truly means to you. It may change over time, I know mine did, but simply having a general idea of what truly is important to you in life will give you the courage and the strength to go up that mountain and be successful on your own terms!

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Other posts you may enjoy!

8 steps to living a better life

All it takes is one moment to change your life

Why getting to know yourself is so important in life

Book Review: Playing the matrix

I have been a long-time believer in the law of attraction, also known from the well-known movie & book, The Secret, which explains that our thoughts create things and that we are powerful creators of our own realities.

When I was 16 years old I watched the new movie at the time “The Secret”, and I remember watching it and my intuition was jumping with joy because it knew the law of attraction had enormous truth to it, and it was a sudden realization that I am the creator of my reality, and ever since that day, I have been completely hooked on the idea.

Since day 1, I have fully and undoubtedly believed in the idea that Thoughts become things, and we are the creators of our own realities. I’ve read many books, watched many movies & documentaries on the subject, and I experienced marvelous things happen in my life using the principles, I have tried to learned as much as I possibly could on the subject.

However, like most people who have discovered this great secret in life, it doesn’t always work out the way we wanted it too, which unfortunately causes a lot of people to stop believing in their wonderful powers. We ask the universe for something, we believe it is coming, and then it fails to show up in the time frame we gave it. What gives?

Or maybe we ask the universe for something, someone in particular, and it never happens, or maybe it does happen and it didn’t turn out as you expected it too. So whats going on, why isn’t this working?? The experts make it seem so easy!

Well, I didn’t know for a long time why I wasn’t manifesting everything I was asking for with ease. I actually thought that it didn’t work at times because I would ask for a certain person, and it never panned out the way I had intended. So what was up? Why wasn’t I creating like the flawless creator I considered myself to be… I figured by now, my life would have taken off, but it hadn’t yet, or was I still in liftoff?

I remember thinking a while back, that if I had got everything I wanted in life all at once tomorrow morning, would that be as fun as say, strategically plotting the dreams of your life up along perfect moments on this journey of life?

And the answer turned out to be,  no, of course not, getting everything tomorrow morning wouldn’t be nearly as fun, and so suddenly I realized that everything I had asked for in the past was for sure on its way, at the perfect time. Until then I can continue to learn and grow as much as I can daily.

So I have been doing a lot of new things lately, I started doing yoga and meditating consistently, and I have also been reading a lot more than usual. My realizations are becoming very great now, and I wanted to share this one with you all that I discovered about the law of attraction while reading this book!


Playing the Matrix-

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I have been obsessed with reading lately, and so I discovered a brand new (Oct 31, 2017) book called “Playing the Matrix” and oh boy, it was like finding the missing piece to the law of attraction puzzle I have been trying to put together.

It’s so unbelievably simple! Like its almost magic how easy this is! And we have it all wrong!

Below is the manifesting matrix that the writer goes into great detail on in the book, which I would recommend anyone who knows about and/or understands the law of attraction to take a look at this book because it honestly makes everything a lot clearer, and simpler!

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Now I am not going to tell you everything about the book because then you don’t need to read it, but I will share with you my personal aha moment!

If you look at the bottom part of the chart, the 6 columns, you will see 3 green columns, 1 blue, 1 yellow and 1 red column.

What the author suggests is that instead of trying to manifest/create our lives using the right side of the chart, for example, I want this specific person to be in a relationship with, Or I want to be hired at a specific company doing only this job. Even though we can still ask for these things and receive them, it really is a hit or miss chance. He instead suggests that if we started first on the left side, with none other than happiness itself, everything else will naturally flow to you out of your happy state.

I understood this, and it was like “ohhhhh that makes sense, this is why I haven’t had all my dreams come true yet, its because I have been working on the right side!! I must first become happy, and then all the rest will follow!” 

And then I realized that I have been doing that already, I was already happy. Ask anyone I know, they would say I was a happy person. It dawned on me that naturally at some point in my journey I had unconsciously realized this truth, that I should be seeking happiness above all else, Money, love, travel, new house, etc. I had already become happy and its true, the rest follows. Slowly day by day, my life becomes better, and each day the fantastic five, My Livelihood, Wealth and abundance, health, relationships, appearance becomes better.

The thing about happiness too is it is a state of mind. You don’t need millions of dollars in your bank account to be happy. Heck, I have had some of the happiest days in my life when I was either unemployed or broke for most of this year, but I was happy because I was finally able to pursue lifelong goals & dreams of mine.

So anyone can become happy, just by changing their perspective on the way in which they see things. Albert Einstein himself said it perfectly when he said: “the most important decision we make in life is whether we live in a friendly or hostile universe.”

In order for our lives to take off, we must choose to be happy and see the universe as a friendly universe, who wants to bring us everything we ask for. I know that happiness isn’t always something easy to reach, but it is possible for every single human being on this planet to do, rich or poor, it doesn’t matter, everyone has the right to be happy, no matter what their situation is.

I know you might be thinking “well being happy isn’t easy, my life isn’t perfect, things always go wrong” and I get that, I truly do. I have had some pretty hard times in the past, but I learned to see them as experiences to learn and grow from, rather than to be defeated by. The day that I decided to strive for happiness over all else was one of the single greatest day’s of my life, although I wasn’t immediately happy right after that, and my happiness would come and go all the time at the beginning. I’d only feel happy if I was doing something exciting which wasn’t very often, otherwise, I’d feel sad.

Now after working on it for a good period of time, and discovering through meditation and cultivating a strong and peaceful mind, I can honestly say that I am happy 99% of the time. There are still things that spring up that make me cry, or feel anger, but it is usually for a very short period of time in which I experience these negative emotions before I become happy again.

Through this process, I have realized that all I ever wanted was happiness. I didn’t want a relationship with someone if I wasn’t happy, I didn’t want millions of dollars in my bank if I wasn’t happy, and I certainly didn’t want my dream life if I wasn’t happy. I realized that being happy was the utmost important thing to strive for in life, and fortunately for every human being on earth, all it takes is a little bit of dedication and discipline which everyone has, in order to reach that state of happiness that we are all striving towards.

We have been taught countless times, through hundreds of books, videos, and seminars, that we must strive for the perfect career, or reach financial abundance, or get in a quality relationship, and we strive for these things, and sometimes they work out for us, and other times they don’t, leaving us to say “oh this secret doesn’t work, what a load of rubbish.”

All the while, what we should have been striving for was to be happy, and the rest would take care of itself.


Below I have gone ahead and written out some of my own desires in life, along with some details, just to give you an idea of what I mean. Details are fine as long as you don’t attach yourself to them. The universe loves to bring you the best of the best, but when you start attaching to specific details, such as life partner must be blue-eyed and dark-haired, that removes millions if not billions of potential candidates from the supply. You don’t need to worry about how these things will come to you, all you need to do is believe that they will, and above all, be happy and grateful, even before you have the life of your dreams.

    Happiness

  • Wake up each morning happy and excited for what the day will bring
  • Having peace of mind towards daily events
  • Feeling calm and happy at all times throughout the day
  • Spreading my own happiness to others
  • Feeling excited towards where I am going in the future, but enjoying the present moment as much as possible



Livelihood

  • Freedom to live an amazing life
  • Living life on my own terms
  • Ample time in order to do things I love; Yoga, skiing, hiking, beach days.
  • Travel all over the world 
  • Being able to live anywhere I want
  • Wonderful experiences happening all the time! 

Wealth and abundance

  • Plentiful amounts of income in the bank
  • Money flowing in naturally each month
  • No more need to work dead-end jobs
  • Debt free
  • Ability to give back to others as much as possible
  • Ability to donate to worthy causes

Health 

  • Have lasting energy throughout the day to fulfill goals
  • Feeling good and healthy 
  • Being able to do whatever I desire physically
  • Great at yoga and very flexible
  • Great at skiing

Relationships

  • Great lifelong friends
  • Find my soulmate: Spiritual, ambitious, loving, kind, creative, loves traveling, someone who wants to make the most out of life! 
  • Happy family members who love and care for each other

Appearance

  • Achieve my ideal body: flat stomach, toned arms, and legs, sexy back. 
  • Lose about 15 pounds
  • Get more tattoos 🙂

I hope this made sense to you, and I hope you realize how life-changing
this principle can have on your life!
Go now and start working towards beings happy!
There’s nothing quite like it!

Here are a few of my other posts you might enjoy reading 🙂

Why I plan to go after my dreams, and you should too!
8 steps to living a better life
All it takes is one moment to change your life

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The Journey to Self-Discovery

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When I wrote Why getting to know yourself is so important in life I feel now looking back, that I was just putting my toes in this big ocean of knowledge that resides in me. Now a few months later, I realize how deep this ocean goes, and it’s mind-boggling. Its absolutely unreal what we are, and what we are capable of. I feel like a giddy school girl who has just discovered the big secret of life, and I want to tell everyone about it!

Three years ago I started this journey of self-discovery at first very unknowingly. I just all of a sudden started to care about my self more and became curious about everything relating to self, who was I, what was this reality I was experiencing, why was I here? Were all some of the questions I began to wonder. I have now been on this journey for a little over 3 years, and what an experience it has been. So much of an experience I have decided to write a book about it!!

This is a journey I truly believe everyone needs to go on in life. Its something you can start right here right now, just by simply saying “from here on out, I will make a greater effort in getting to know myself a little bit more each day.” Even if you only find out that you don’t like a certain color one day,  the process can seem very slow at times, and other times the process will feel like its only speeding up more and you can’t slow it down, and those times can be a bit crazy because you are realizing so much about yourself in a very short period of time, and you are changing a lot every day so it can be hard to keep up and quite overwhelming.

But its all part of the journey. Everyone’s journey will be different. For some, it will be quick, and others it will take longer, but it doesn’t matter how long it takes, what matters is you begin. Take the first step, tell yourself right now that you are going to make more of an effort from this day forward towards the discovery of yourself.

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It is the greatest journey you’ll ever go on, it’s truly an incredible ride that makes your life wonderfully beautiful and rich with meaning and fulfillment.  The journey of self-discovery will be the most important things you do here on Earth, we must realize in human form who we are, and what we are capable of. That light inside us wants us to realize its there, it’s waiting for us to remember it so he can guide us to live the life of our dreams.

All the richest of the world won’t bring you as much happiness, peace, and fulfillment as self-discovery will. Its something the rich can’t buy and the poor can’t lose. It stays with you forever if you take the time to do it, and its the best thing you will ever spend your time on, the payoff will be tremendous!

I am not sure now, if there will ever come a time when I come to the end of my journey, it’s not something that you can really see the finish line on, because even once you feel like you know everything there is to know about yourself, you’ll discover something else, and the journey continues. If you are in a hurry or want results instantly, you should instead start with learning the art patience, because self-discovery is a lifelong process, you don’t merely wake up one day and know who and what you are. If it were that simple, then everyone on planet earth would be living to their fullest potential, which we all know isn’t the case.

The world is a bit of a mess right now, but that doesn’t mean things are not happening. Behind the scenes, millions of people are on the journey of self-discovery already, and are remembering who they are. This is an extraordinary time in human history because humans are becoming more conscious, we are rising from the slumber we have been enduring for many ages, but those times are over and humanity is waking up. Humanity is going to accomplish great things in the next years, and if you don’t want to miss out, I suggest hopping on the self-discovery train as soon as possible!

Unfortunately, though, a lot of people won’t ever take the first step on the path of self discovery, and its very unfortunate that they dont, but they get caught up in their version of reality and dont ever take the time to do this. When I asked people I know how much time people put into self discovery, I was suprised to be met by blank stares, unsure of what I meant.

“You know… Like how much time do you take each day to get to know yourself? Self-reflection, reading, writing, learning about who you are, that type of thing?’

Still nothing. This surprised me greatly since I truly believe this is one of the best journeys one can and should ever go on in life. But I realize that I am only concerned over my own actions, and I can force someone else to do this. I can just share my own experience and hope that someone else might resonate with it, and use their own decision making process to determine that this is something they would like to do.

I truly believe that to change the world, it begins with ourselves. We must learn about who we are, and what we are capable of, and above all us, we must learn to love ourselves like nothing else.

Below I have an entry I wrote in my journal that I would like to share with you.



October 20th, 2017

I am so tired of this whole idea that we as humans have limits. We come to earth and in the human body, and we experience limitations from the very start. Mainly with our minds, which controls most everything else we do. We feel our minds are limited and we never bother to learn how they work, or how one could improve it. We actually poison it half the time with alcohol and drugs, not to mention some of the foods we eat. It’s absolutely insane how little credit or care we give to our brains/minds when they are the most incredible instrument in the universe that science has so far discovered. 

If you only knew what your brain was capable of, you would never even think of harming it again. When you start learning about the self, it will become your one and only desire, to learn more and more about yourself, how the mind works, and the power of thought. These subjects will become fascinating to you because your brain is now eager to learn all about what it can do, like an excited child in first grade ready to learn. When you shift your awareness onto your mind and improving it, the mind will flourish and wonderful things will begin to happen. 

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I was writing about the mind because I believe it is a big part of the self. If we can put our awareness on ourselves instead of on Facebook, or what someone else is doing, or on the television, your mind literally lights up like an excited child who wants to learn everything he can. Your brain will turn into a sponge, learning all the information it needs to achieve the goal you have given it, which is that you want to learn as much as you can regarding yourself.

You know deep inside that you are here for far greater things than what you have been programmed since childhood to believe. You are full of potential, and it breaks my heart when people think of themselves as just a useless human being not capable of anything, because I know how amazing human beings are, and now we are living in a very special time for the planet where we are becoming more and more conscious of who we are, which means that there will be tremendous changes in the next years, we have no idea what wonderful things will be created by people just like you who have realized who they are. Times are changing, and we have all the information we could ever dream of right at our fingertips, its time to remember who you are, and what you are here for.


Below are important tips I have found useful during my journey to self-discovery, remember to keep in mind that everyone’s journey is different, but we are all human beings, and we tend to all have very similar thoughts towards the unknown.

  1. Embrace change and the unknown. Life is many different cycles, some are big and some are small. Like the seasons changing, your life will also change and you need to be willing to embrace that change because forcing something to stay the same has never worked for very long. If you can understand that life is always changing, you will be better willing to accept that you are also changing. There is no rulebook stating that you need to remain the person you are right now reading this, you can and should strive to improve yourself.
  2. Stay in the present as much as you can because that is all there is. I know this one is very hard to grasp for most people. It was a process for myself to stop thinking about the past, and worrying about the future and I do sometimes have to catch myself and think just be right here in this moment. If you can learn to just trust the quiet voice inside to guide your life, you will be surprised by how well your life turns out without you even trying, or thinking about it. Your intuition knows what is best and wants to guide you to a wonderful life, but you need to listen to it. So be present in the moment, quiet your thoughts and listen to what it tells you. This will take time, meditation helps greatly, but just know that this won’t happen in a single day.
  3. Love yourself. I can’t stress this one enough because it is so profoundly important for you to do. I remember when I first started my journey, and I kept seeing that sentence everywhere I turned, “love yourself.” I remember not knowing why that would be such an important aspect, but now that I actually can honestly say I love myself, I feel like I have so much more belief in myself than ever before, which of course allows me to succeed at everything I want to achieve in life. If I didn’t love myself, there would be no way I could do some of the things I do now, simply because I wouldn’t believe in myself.

With that being said, there are so many different ideas you will come across along your journey, and this is just a few tips I have found that has helped me. Writing has definitely helped me to learn more about self, but do what works for you!

Thanks for reading, I hope you can take something away from this post and use it to improve your life 🙂

Here are a few other posts you might enjoy reading!

Why you need to believe in yourself

How to overcome and grow from adversity

All it takes is one moment to change your life

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Osana

Life update: The battle over my ego

“When the ego dies, the soul awakes” -Mahatma Gandhi.

So I haven’t posted on my blog site now for a while, and at one point I even considered scrapping it completely. You see, I’ve been battling with my ego for a while now, and it was trying to convince me that I couldn’t do this, that I wouldn’t succeed at writing this blog, and I should just give up… I’m wiser than that now and decided not to listen to my ego and instead went off of what my soul wanted to do, and the soul wants me to keep the blog and to continue writing about matters I find important, so that’s what I’ll do. I know who has my best interests at heart now, and it certainly isn’t my ego.

The path I would like to take with my blog is the theme I have been thinking about for awhile, which will be my path to self-discovery. It will focus on my own experiences on my own path to self-discovery, which is in my honest opinion one of the greatest journeys one can and should take in life. During this journey, you will learn so much about yourself, and you will learn a pretty vast sea of knowledge and gain the wisdom of the universe. Seriously, this is some very powerful stuff I am talking about here. The self is the most fascinating journey one will ever go on, and I have been on it for a few years now, I don’t really know the exact day I decided to learn everything I possibly could about myself, but I do remember intentionally stating that I would spend as much time as I could to learn about myself, and my mind. I’ve always been intrigued by the mind and how it works.

On this journey I have encountered many challenges, and road bumps, it definitely hasn’t been the smoothest journey, but I have learned a great deal in my life so far, and now that I am more intently focused on learning about myself even more than before, it seems to be flourishing. When you focus on a child, the child does better knowing that you’re watching. So the same thing happens when you start to focus on yourself, and I can’t even explain how much you will want to improve yourself and the rest of your life… But more on self-discovery another time!

I want to share with you something that has happened to me over the last few weeks. I have been absolutely terrified to share some of my deeper posts because my ego was getting in the way, making me worried about what other people would think about what I had to say.

I went from being terrified one month ago, to here in the present moment, where I can post some writings I never once thought I would post. Below are some of my personal writings, but I feel compelled to share them with you. These are entries I wrote in my journal that help me keep tabs on what I am experiencing each day because I am growing a lot and its hard to keep up sometimes with what I learn each day, and this ego fading is what I have been undergoing over the last few weeks.

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September 24th, 2017

I have been struggling lately, over the past couple of weeks, over a battle with my ego. As it would seem, my ego is who I think I am. My first and last name, my experiences, the person I think that I am, and who everyone else thinks I am.

It’s not that I don’t care about others, I do deeply. Its that I don’t care what others think of me, or at least I don’t want to. But whenever I try to get out of this damn social trap I am caught in, my ego sucks me back in reminding me about how much I crave the approval from others.

I have been struggling to write on this blog lately because of this very fact. I am getting more and more traffic now coming to my site, which means people are actually reading my stuff, which absolutely terrifies me, and I don’t know why. I actually have always been fearful of that, other people reading my work, which is kinda silly since I do have a blog which is public to anyone and everyone to see it., and a big dream of mine is to be an author.

“But how can you be an author if you’re scared of people reading your book?” My ego points out.

Writing my thoughts out for the world to see is far too terrifying. I could never do that. I don’t think I could be a writer. But I feel like this is what I need to do in life. Ugh, the conflict! 

If you saw how many drafts I had going on of stuff I have written previously and is now collecting dust in the “draft area” of my site, you would either laugh at me or feel plain bad for me.

I just can’t bring myself to post some of this stuff I write about, and I dunno why. Why am I so scared to put my writing out there?

Even when I look back on my very first blog post, it is extremely evident that I was nervous about posting it… Every single post I have ever posted I have been nervous, some of which I quickly remove immediately after anyway… I want to be a writer, yet I am terrified of people reading my work. This doesn’t seem like a very good fit. 

So I realize that this is an issue I have, and I do need to work through it because I do feel like this is part of my life purpose, to write out some of the stuff I know in order to help share my knowledge with others, and I really can’t do that if I am scared to share my work…

I need to get over this ego issue because it is quite silly if you ask me, constantly worried about what other people are thinking of me, worried about their approval, which they don’t even know the real me anyway, so what does it matter what they think of me?


October 14th 

I have been doing my best to not plan my life out for a while now when I realized that no matter what I would plan out, nothing ever happened in the way I expected. So I just decided to quit planning and trust that the universe, AKA the same force that guides the stars, guides my life as well, and knows whats best for me. 

It’s a scary thing to do, the transition from being in control of our lives to let go of our expectations and attachments and truly allowing the universe to take over. It has been a scary journey but boy has it ever been amazing. 

What I learned last night is life changing. Its like, wow, every day that passes I realize more and more what I am truly capable of. What I can accomplish in this lifetime. Who I can become and the impact I can have on others. The challenging part is who to listen to. There are different parts of you that you may or may not be aware of, but they are there regardless and want to give you feedback on how to live your life.

One voice is your ego. He/she is there mostly always, he never rests, and even when it is time to rest, your ego doesn’t want to go to bed because he has lots of stuff to do and say. He is pretty loud and annoying, he wants attention, he wants to be seen and heard. Most people listen to this voice without giving it a second thought, but the issue here is this voice can be extremely negative and will create negative beliefs and patterns in your brain, it has been led to believe that it lives in a hostile universe. We must question everything the ego tells us to do, knowing exactly what it is after, which doesn’t have our highest self in mind. The only resource your ego has to work with is our memories, so it will pull information out from the past and remind you as to why you should or shouldn’t do something. weight loss goals can be sabotaged very easily by the ego because it will tell you all the reasons (from past memories) of why you won’t succeed, like you’re a comfort eater, or you feel terrible at the gym, so you end up quitting. The ego is the voice that lives in fear, and we’ve asked to move in.

The second voice we can choose to listen to, call it whatever, intuition, inspiration, the divine, God, it can come in various names. This voice is the quiet part of you that most of us fail to even notice is there. There is a reason why meditation is such a powerful tool. It helps to quiet the ego so that we can listen to the quiet voice within that only wants whats best for us. When you begin to listen to inspiration over memory/ego wonderful things begin to happen, it’s extraordinary what starts popping into your life when you allow it.

Your life truly begins to take off when you quit listening to the ego, and instead, listen to the Divine, let go of expectation or attachment to any result or outcome and let the universe guide you. And above all, love yourself like there is nothing else.


October 17th

So it has been one month now since I started to really focus on my ego, and what it was, and all the things it was telling me to do., something of which I hadn’t really done much of in the past, but the ego seemed to be getting more and more in the way, so I started to focus my awareness on it. What an interesting ride this has been, I have actually been working on my ego, and it seems like I’ve done a good job at quieting it!

I have been doing more meditation and yoga lately, and it has really helped me to distinguish the different voices within and to know what my ego is even concerned with so I can help work on those aspects… It feels like my ego has slowly been diminishing over the last few weeks, and each day I become more and more confident, and more in love with myself than ever before. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders and Now I am free of worry, anxiety, approval of others, fear of the unknown, I am sure I could go on, but you get the idea.

My mind is clear and focused like never before. I have actually been writing more than ever before and pursuing my lifelong dream of writing a book, specifically a book about the story of my life, which has been a very interesting journey so far, and I have learned so much already and it’s only just the beginning.

I’ve never received so much inspiration in my life as I am right now, I believe with a full heart that it is because I have quieted my ego and finally started to listen to the voice within.

I don’t feel like I will ever completely get rid of my ego, that is an extremely hard thing to do that would take many years of practice, but I do believe that I now am in the drivers seat of my life for the first time, and my ego is riding in the backseat where it should be, and I can take advice from her if I feel the need, but for the most part I listen to my soul. I feel like I can now post freely on any topics I feel inspired to write about, without my ego getting in the way and sabotaging me.

~Osana


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The fact that I am brave enough to post this, which is my own personal reflections, shows myself that I am letting go of what the ego is worried about, and a big worry for the ego is what others will think of you, which does prevent a lot of people from going after their dreams in life because they are concerned about what others will think. We get caught in this illusion our ego creates about what life is and who we are, that we really do believe it, never reaching for more in life because we have convinced ourselves that we are nothing more than what our egos believe. This illusion prevents us from living our grandest life because we get trapped in this fear mindset which is where the ego lives… And we are his roommate that does everything he asks without question, and well continue to do this up until we start focusing in on what he is asking from us and why, then going from there.

I used to write and think to myself, I don’t even know why I bother writing. There is no way I would ever be able to share some of my stuff on the internet with anyone and everyone able to read it. I used to look at others who were accomplishing so much in life and wish I could do the same thing, but I thought I would never have the courage to do any of that.

But now I feel free and able to do anything I want. My potential has finally been revealed to me, and its a truly beautiful thing. We are capable of so much more than we think we are, and we fail to realize this because we let the ego run the show, who never allows us to experience the magic in the present moment, and the ego doesn’t want you doing anything that could cause you to feel guilty, shameful, rejected, fearful, and so it tries to keeps you safe and secure living a very limited life of mediocracy.

Your life is up to you and you only, and one of the first steps to improving your life is to figure out who you are, go on the journey of self-discovery and you will truly be amazed at what you find out about yourself, and what you are capable of.

Please take a look at my other post if you want to learn more about
getting to know yourself:

Why getting to know yourself is so important in life

I feel I am finally free to do what I came to earth to do, which I have figured out is to write and share my message, which I am beginning to understand clearer and clearer each day. I feel I can finally write about any topic I wish, no matter how crazy it may seem, and I will be able to actually share it because my ego won’t stop me! Well, it might still try, but I hope I will continue to win the fight!



Please feel free to leave me comments about your experiences with your own egos!
Thanks for reading 🙂


Other posts you might enjoy:

The Journey to Self-Discovery

8 steps to living a better life

All it takes is one moment to change your life

Self-doubt is such a bitch

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~Osana

My experience dealing with depression

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So I thought I would go back in time a little here, and talk about my experience dealing with depression because back in 2011-2014 I was very depressed, and I had no idea I was experiencing that at the time. I didn’t actually realize that I was depressed at all… I thought that this was just a normal feeling to have in life.

Sure I was experiencing suicidal thoughts, extreme uselessness, and complete unworthiness at the time, but doesn’t everyone feel that way? Isn’t that just normal?

But can you blame me for feeling this way?

Depression is a very common thing to suffer from nowadays, what with everything going on in the world, how can one not feel depressed after watching the news, reading the newspapers, or even listening to a concerned friend talk about something bad that happened, could lead one to feel quite fearful. Depression is when you are locked in the past, and you no longer see any sort of future for yourself. You have a hard time getting up each day because ‘Well, whats the point?’ Your life is slowly becoming exactly what you didn’t want, the exact opposite of the dreams you had as a child, and more often than not we have no idea how to make it better.

We come into the real world with hopes, and goals, and dreams. We are positive and excited to start a life for yourself. Well, that was me anyway, I graduated high school, and choose to take a year off because I wanted to travel and do all this fun and exciting stuff, I believed in real-world education and to be honest, I didn’t believe in the school system anyways. I would go back to school if the real world didn’t work out for me the way I expected…

I didn’t end up doing any traveling after all, and I did end up going back to school for one year to study psychology, but I ended up failing almost every class and racking up over $10000 of debt in a single year. From there I realized I would need to work a job full time to pay this off, and so that’s what I did. But it seemed that despite my best efforts I was going backward each month, and my life slowly started to spiral out of control. Then to top it all off, my mother passed away suddenly, and at the age of 20, I was planning my mothers funeral… Life was not turning out the way I had expected it too, it felt like it was completely out of my control, I couldn’t see the reason all these bad things were happening to me, and I started to slowly become depressed.

Life was not turning out the way I had expected it too, it felt like it was completely out of my control, I couldn’t see the reason all these bad things were happening to me, I felt angry, and hurt, and I ended up turning my back on God, universe, higher power, source energy (whatever you wanna name it) and from there I started to slowly become more and more hopeless and depressed.

We all come into the real world after we get educated, excited to make a life for ourselves and to see all our dreams come true, but then all of that gets crushed slowly over time. We sometimes don’t even realize it’s happening, and we just keep pressing forward on the path that we know isn’t leading us to our dream life, but we do it to keep the others happy, as it is after all, what we are told to do, so we better keep doing it no matter how soul-crushing it is.

I felt like this life I had dreamt of for myself, was being ripped away from me right under my nose, and there was nothing I could do to get it back together. My bills were piling up, I was behind on all my payments, my car was about to get repossessed, my credit score was going down despite my sincere efforts to keep it in good standing, I even considered filing for bankruptcy because my credit card was at like $2500 which I thought was really high at the time… The real world was completely fucking me, and there was nothing I could do.  I had absolutely no hope for the future, as a matter of fact, I couldn’t even see the future as a possibility, I felt my life was over at the age of 22. I actually thought I was dying or I would die soon, or that the world would end in some catastrophic event… I was living in complete fear with no hope for the future, so what was the point of doing anything beneficial that would help my future self?

My days were long, sad and unproductive during that time. I became more and more nocturnal by the day, and I barely ever left the house. I worked only 1-2 times per week because that was all I could actually handle. I had no motivation to do anything, no self-esteem to communicate with others, and no confidence in myself at all. I was extremely shy, I didn’t like talking to people, and I felt people were constantly judging me all the time, and also I cared so much about what others thought of me.

So I went into hiding. It was easier than facing my self, and my problems. So I cut out all my friends and family from my life. Afterall, I was independent, I didn’t need anyone anyways, I was strong on my own.

My daily routine consisted of getting up around 4 or 5 in the afternoon,  it was the middle of winter too, so by 5pm it was already dark, I had missed any form of sunlight completely. I would get dressed and either go to the grocery store and spend at least $20 on food just for that day, or I would go to the Wendy’s/Tim Hortons by my place, buy a large ice cap as well as a full meal deal from Wendy’s.

Then I would go home and eat. That would be my only outing for the day. I would sit at home for the rest of the day, usually from 5 or 6pm onward never leaving the house again. I would eat and eat and eat because it was the only thing that made me feel temporarily content. I would normally just eat one big meal each day, and then snack the rest of the time. It was an extremely unhealthy way to live, but I didn’t really care.

It didn’t really matter the time of year it was either, I would justify coming home early each day in summer too by blaming the heat for bringing me inside on a nice summer night. I would race home usually from work or something at 5-6pm every single day just so I could play world of warcraft! It was fun and overall ended up being a good experience playing WOW because I did reach my end goal, I also gained a ton of people skills while playing it, as well as great leadership skills.

That was probably my one ray of hope while going through this depression, was playing the game. As crazy as that sounds, having a raid to look forward to at the end of your day was fun and exciting! I couldn’t wait to go home and play the game and hang out with my gaming friends… (Some of whom I actually ended up meeting on a couple trips I went on back in 2014 which was when I was finally winning the battle over my depression… )

But I also found snacking to be a pretty common thing to do while raiding. So I would always have a few snacks and drinks around me.

I gained about 30 pounds during this 2 year period, and since I didn’t own a scale it sorta just kept creeping up without me even realizing it.

I would just sit at my computer all night, while snacking and playing World of Warcraft, till the wee hours of the morning. I would go to sleep as late as possible, sometimes at 7am, I would finally be going to sleep. Then I would sleep all day, wake up and do it all over again. It’s like I was sleepwalking my life away.

My mind was so numb, I was like in a hypnotized state of being that I can hardly remember. Maybe I have suppressed those days from my memory because of how awful they were because I swear two years passed, and I can’t recall even a single good day I had.

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I will tell you though, I did end up snapping out of my depression, but I do believe it was due to divine intervention that caused it, and not my friends or family telling me to simply “snap out of it.”

At the time I was going through this depression, I had turned my back on God because, in my mind, I had created the story that he was single-handedly ruining my entire life, and I couldn’t see how what he had planned that one day this would all make sense, and how all this shit that was happening in my life was all in divine order”

I had been told so many other lies growing up in my youth, oh like how a fat man rides in a sleigh carried by reindeers to every single house on earth, one evening of the year with presents for all the children… Or how the Easter bunny and tooth fairy exist…

Maybe this whole God thing was also just a big fat lie we are told to keep the people behaving themselves and make us scared of doing bad things so we don’t go to hell.

So sure, I had turned my back on God because I was angry and hurt, and I lost all faith in life itself. Thus by doing so led me deeper and deeper into this dark tunnel of despair and depression.

I felt completely hopeless. My life felt over and it hadn’t even begun yet.

There was this one day though, I remember it very well because it was the day that lit that spark in my belly again, even though it was very faint at the time. I still felt it was there.

I went shopping that day because at that time in my life I was into material possessions, which would bring me a very brief moment of happiness. I decided to try on some new clothes, and after trying them all on, and taking pictures, I realized that they all looked so bad on me because I had gained so much weight… I realized that day, how much I hated myself, and who I was becoming…

Here is a picture I took that day that clearly opened my eyes to what I was becoming… I dunno why, but trying on all those clothes, and realizing how bad every outfit looked on me kinda opened my eyes. I didn’t want to be seen this way. I didn’t want to be this way anymore.

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The icing on the cake for me was when I saw these two pictures below, and that was it for me. I was done feeling and living this way any longer.

I have always been chubbier growing up, it is just who I am, and I’ve learned to love that part of me now, but this was the heaviest that I had ever been in my entire life and I knew that I needed to make a big change.

Shortly after this photo was taken, there was this one night that I went through, which I now call the dark night of my soul, but at the time I guess it was me hitting rock bottom. I remember I was lying on my floor crying desperately in my lonely basement living room, feeling utterly sorry for myself.

All of a sudden I heard a voice and it said:

“Alright Lindsay you are 22 now, you still have 3/4 of your life left. Are you going to die with your mom and do absolutely nothing with your life and be sad and depressed forever, or are you going to make a change and start working towards being that great version that you know you can be?”

Then I was immediately shown two visions. One was me at 40 years old continuing on this current self-degrading path I was on. I was extremely overweight, I lived alone with quite a few cats, (yes I was a crazy cat lady) it was clear that I barely ever left the house. You know that Simpson episode where homer wears the MooMoo? That’s the image I got, but it was me wearing the MooMoo sitting around my house eating junk food all day feeling depressed, lonely and sad.

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So then, I saw a vision of my life if I started working on myself, and my personal development, and boy was I ever in love! I saw this stunning version of me, that was beaming with happiness and love. She clearly was full of life and wonder, and had figured out the secrets to life. She was healthy, happy, and abundant.

I was hooked, I knew from that moment on, that no matter what, I had to work towards that wonderful version of myself. I couldn’t become that sad and depressed self. No, no, no…  I had hope again for the future, my eyes were seeing clearly again, and I could see the future, and boy was it ever looking wonderful!

I didn’t care how long it would take, I knew it would be a long journey, but I was willing to give it my all, and above everything, I was never going to give up on becoming this vision, because the alternative was just not acceptable to me.

So I started on the path to personal growth and development, and above all learning to love myself, which hasn’t always been easy, but I have never looked back, and I would never go back to the life I was living. You couldn’t pay me enough to go back to that life I was living.

I had this awakening 4 years ago now, and I have now become that person I had envisioned long ago, it’s absolutely unbelievable! Words cannot even begin to describe the happiness I feel now on a daily basis. I realized how wonderfully extraordinary I am, and how I can actually do anything that I set my mind too. I love myself more than I ever thought was possible, and I have a very clear vision of the future.

I now have a new vision of myself and who I am becoming, but I won’t share with you now, because even I am a little awestruck by her, and again cant really put it into words at the present moment.  I don’t doubt, however, that one day I will become that version.

I am in fact creating my greatest version every single day.


I lost two full years of my life to depression, and while I am extremely grateful I was able to get out of it when I did and decide not to continue living my life that way, it really is something that so many people are struggling with, and may not even realize they are, I know I sure didn’t…

Depression seriously sucks… You feel like your life doesn’t matter and that if you were to die tomorrow, no one would even care, the world would just carry on like you didn’t matter, which must be why so many people commit suicide each year.

I read a stat the other day stating that 800 000 people commit suicide every year.

That number is mind-boggling to me…

That is higher than war and natural disasters combined kill each year! So why do so many people still think depression isn’t a real issue?

“oh it’s just a phase, they will snap out of it eventually,” They all say, not understanding the implications behind it.

Depression is a serious killer and we should be paying more attention to it. It is a mental illness and it shouldnt go unnoticed. Why are so many people depressed? What is going on that is causing this?

I know for my generation, which is the Millenials mostly, we do feel hopeless towards the future. We watch the news and see all the terror, wars, disease, starvation, pain and suffering, and we dont know what to do to help. We know we want to do something, we all want to change the world, to make an impact, to change someone’s life for the better, to simply be a good human being…

But where do we even begin?

And if our own self-limiting beliefs and thoughts weren’t sabotaging us enough, we have to endure the rest of society telling us what we can and cant do in life. We are brainwashed into believing we are stupid and unworthy, we are not pretty enough, not smart enough, not good enough to do the things we long for in life.

We live in fear, too scared to break out from the hold the rest of society has on us, and do the one thing that makes our hearts sing.

That one thing you would do no matter what, even if you didn’t get paid for it, you would still do because you love it, it makes you very happy… This is called your passion in life.. And every single one of us has passions, and talents, and gifts to share to the world. Even those of you who think “I don’t have anything to offer.” Trust me, I felt the exact same way, and I want you to know that you do have wonderful talents and gifts to offer the world, you simply haven’t discovered them yet, which is probably why you are feeling hopeless or depressed.

Well I am here to tell you that you are all of this and more. You are perfect, and you are capable of living a wonderful life. Dont let depression win. You have to make a stand for yourself, or else it will consume you, and your life. You must find hope again. Believe in yourself, and trust that everything has a funny way of working themselves out, but realize they always somehow manage to turn out good in the end.

I look back on my time that I was depressed with acceptance, knowing that it was a phase of my life that I needed to go through for reasons that are now a deep knowledge of understanding as to why in my heart. It was an experience that I needed to have to become the person I am now today. Although going through it is not easy, and it is most likely going to be one of the hardest things you may ever experience in life, but try to see the light at the end of the tunnel, it may be faint, but its there. Just knowing that it is there, there is hope for you, after all, could be the one thing that keeps you going when things are the darkest.

Remember that there is always a sunrise, even after the darkest of nights. Meaning that even if your life is dark now, it won’t always be this way, trust that the sun will shine again, and you will find happiness again. Don’t give up on yourself, you can find the light again.

Also please stop listening to and caring about what others think, and start to find your own truth for your life. You can and do create your own reality whether you realize this or not. Most of us simply don’t realize we are doing it, which is why our lives never turn out the way we hoped… I have now taken a much more conscious approach to the concept of creating my own reality, and I have now come to understand that I can have, be or do anything that I want… You have to realize what life means to you, who are you? Why are you here? What is your purpose for being here? Asking yourself these questions will help you design for yourself your ideal life…

You have to realize what life means to you… Who are you? Why are you here? What is your purpose for being here? Asking yourself these questions will help you design for yourself your ideal life… You must get to know yourself first before you do anything else. Afterall, you’re going to be with yourself for the next countless years, so you may as well get to know who you are…

I wrote a post on the importance of getting to know yourself, which I find to be one of the most important things we should do with our lives… Please give it a read if you are interested!

Meditation will help you do this, but you need to allow yourself the time to simply sit and be quiet so you can listen to your higher self speak. You won’t know what you want to accomplish in life without quieting the egoic mind and listening to that quiet voice that wants you to live the greatest life imaginable!  (Meditation is hard for most because when we sit and try to quiet our minds, our ego hates that because it wants to be seen and heard and acknowledged so it will try to throw a tantrum saying all the things we should be doing instead of meditation. Just knowing this and saying “this will only take 10 mins and then you can come back out”, to your ego, will usually help to help quiet the mind)

You must also learn to have grace with yourself, and forgive yourself if you make mistakes because we are human, we are no doubt going to make mistakes in life, so simply forgive yourself when you do and move along.

Depression is serious, but it can be defeated, think of it like an inner battle you are having, and have the courage to overcome it. You don’t need to ingest medications, although I did for two years and it did help at the time, now I am off them and I feel even better than before. Just know that you have everything already in you that you need to overcome this battle, just trust in yourself and know that you are powerful beyond measure.

~Namaste~

 



Other posts you might like to read:

How to overcome and grow from adversity

All it takes is one moment to change your life

Why you need to believe in yourself

Ps. this is a more recent photo of me so you can see the difference a few years can have! IMG_1980.JPG

 

How to overcome and grow from adversity

Adversity, as defined by Webster’s dictionary, is a state or instance of serious or continued difficulty or misfortune. Something such as a death in your family, a car accident or being abandoned by a parent or parents are all different forms of adversity, and unfortunately it is a part of life that happens to every single one of us, and we must learn to overcome these events, or else we will live a life of pain and suffering…

I have overcame quite a lot of adversity in my 26 years so far here on earth, and I would like to share with you what I learned during each struggle I faced in my life. I find stories are the best way to directly relate to people, so that is why I use my own stories in life as a tool to help others learn and grow.

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” 
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross


When I was 2 years old my dad left. This wasn’t really a big deal at 2 years old, I don’t remember him at all, but it did leave a mark on me that I wouldn’t realize was there until I was much older.

I had severe abandonment and trust issues with friends and family thinking they would eventually get sick and tired of me and leave. Relationships proved to be a big struggle for me because I would always be worried the guy would just disappear, which ended up prompting me to withdraw before they could get the chance, and end it on my own terms, even when things were going fine.

I realized though, that as hard as you may try, you cannot control other people, and at the end of the day, they still have the free will to leave if they so choose. I learned that in order to trust others, I first needed to trust myself, and not to rely on anyone else to make me happy, I needed to be happy first on my own.

To overcame these abandonment issues, and I went back to see things from my dad’s perspective, and through doing that I was able to forgive him for leaving me when I was only 2 years old. Having the ability to see things from the other person’s perspective and realizing that whatever they decide to do, even if it hurts me, I understand their actions, is quite a good ability to possess. It can change your life experience to be able to have more grace and acceptance with everyone you meet, knowing that they have their own problems to deal with, and I need to see it from their point of view.

When I was 7 years old, I experienced my first real death which was when I had to witness my grandma die right in front of my eyes. She was my very best friend, and she taught me a lot of useful life skills, specifically, she taught me how to cook. We did everything together, as she was my babysitter from a very young age.

Going through the pain of her death was like no feeling I had ever experienced before. It felt like my heart had been shattered into a million pieces, and it quite literally felt like I had a broken heart. I learned from this experience that life is very short, and people come and go in your life all the time. We need to appreciate the ones we have while we have them, or else we will live in regret wishing we had spent more time with them.

I understood death and life from a very young age and even seeing my grandma die helped me see things from a new angle. It was like I was no longer me anymore, but I was this experiencer watching the situation from outside myself unfold, and I was trying to gain as much insight and understanding as I could from the experience. This voice inside me told me exactly what was happening, and helped me to deal with it in the moment, it basically made me realize and understand that yes this was extremely hard right now, but one day this would all make sense, and I would be okay again one day, even though in that moment I didn’t feel like I would ever be happy again.

I understood for the first time when I witness my grandma die, that I was fully engaged in the present moment, and nothing else mattered. This event happened 20+ years ago now, and I remember quite vividly everything that happened that day because I was so present. I wasn’t lost in my usual day dreams, I was right there dealing with the situation as best I could.

Growing up, my mom was a single parent and after my grandma died, my mom and I became very close. However, we struggled alot, especially in the finance department. When I was 5 years old we were homeless, so we stayed with family and friends for a couple weeks at a time. My mom lived paycheck to paycheck, and struggled to pay the bills on time. In my teenage years, there were times we got our heat shut off due to not paying the bill on time. I went to bed for a week straight in the month of Janurary being cold, and covering myself with an assortment of blankets, a toque and mittens, in order to stay warm. Instead of feeling angry or bitter towards my mom for not paying the bills, instead I thought, this is a great learning experience, and I know I will grow a lot from this experience. It was a very beneficial way of looking at things, which I realize now helped me tremendously in overcoming all of my life struggles.

Then if all this wasn’t already enough, I had the worst thing of all happen… My mom passed away from heart disease when I was 20 years old.

Now, this is something that can be completely destroying to a person. Especially when you lose your mom at such a young age, and she was your very best friend growing up, and she knew you better than anyone else.

It is completely devastating, and heartbreaking.

And it slowly knocked me down, because at first, I tried to be strong, I knew this was coming, it wasn’t a huge shock to me, after all, she certainly wasn’t the healthiest person ever, and I would often warn her during my teenage years that if she didn’t start taking better care of herself and specifically quit smoking cigarettes, she wouldn’t get to see my wedding.

I told her these things, in a hope to inspire her to change, but unfortunately, it didn’t work, and at the age of 20, I was sitting at the funeral home planning my own mothers funeral.

It was a rough time for me, but her actual death didnt quite hit me until the day of her funeral and they were lowering her casket into the ground, and I thought “my mother is in there, she is dead, I am an orphan now, this is too much for me to handle” and I instantly became overwhelmed by grief, and broke down crying in middle of the burial in front of all my friends and family.

From there I started to spiral downwards, and after I recieved my inheritance, I decided to quit my job because I wanted to use the money to travel the world. Little did I realize at the time, that my state of being was in no place to go out and travel. So instead, I ended up just spending my time sitting around at home, no longer feeling needed by society because I didn’t have a job anymore, and so I started to become more and more depressed.

At the time, I didnt realize how depressed I was, and I thought it was just normal, so I continued down that path for a pretty long time. I got to a point where my sleep schedule was completely out of whack, and I would go to sleep at 7 am and sleep until about 5 pm. It was during winter too, so I think I went about 2 weeks without seeing the sun.

The biggest outing of my day would be to go to the grocery store and spend about $20 a day on food that I would go home and indulge in because the food was, in fact, comforting to me, like it had been my whole life. Some days I would go to Tim Hortons (a donut/ coffee shop) buy a large Iced cappuccino, and then go to the Wendys that was connected and buy a combo meal, and then I would go home and eat.

I would look in the mirror, and see this person that I HATED. I was overweight by about 40 pounds, I was extremely unhappy, unmotivated, and I had no vision for the future. Well, I saw myself as some fat, depressed 40-year-old lady who had a bunch of cats and I would sit around at home eating all day long wondering why my life turned out the way it did.

This time period of my life went on for a pretty long time, two years to be exact until one night I had a profound realiziation, which I actually look back on as being one of the most life changing nights of my life.

Basically, what happened, I was contemplating suicide one winter night because I hated my life so much, and not only that, but I hated myself. I didnt see a bright looking future, and I had nothing to look forward to because the belief I had come up with was, “everything I love is taken away from me, thus I cannot and should not love anything again.” So I figured the easiest thing to do, would just be to end it all.

My life hadn’t turned out at all like I had envisioned it as a child. My life actually sucked, and I couldn’t stand it any longer. I had thought about killing myself on multiple occasions, but this time I was actually planning out exactly how I would do it. I decided I would just overdose on some type of medicine and go to sleep and never wake up from it.

It was on this night, that I first heard God’s voice again after I had turned my back on him in a fit of anger shortly after my mom had passed away.

I heard him say “you could indeed kill yourself and have your moms life be all for nothing, or you can rise up from this and become the person you were meant to become” 

And I thought, “well who was I meant to become?” 

And in a flash, I was given this vision of myself in the future, and this image of me, was quite remarkable to say the least. I couldnt believe that I could become her, but I knew right then that with enough hard work I could indeed achieve it.

So that was the night, I decided to quite making excuses for myself, and I decided to not let my mothers death bring me down anymore, as easy as it would have been to just keep using that excuse as to why  I didnt do anything with my life, I decided to become better by it, and that is exactly what I did.

Flash forward 4 years, and I am on this incredible path to becoming that greatest version of myself I saw that dark night. Each and every day I grow and develop myself, and I fall more and more in love with me.  I realize that if I can come this far in a few short years without knowing at all what I was doing, who knows how far I can go in the next following years knowing now exactly what I need to do, and how I need to do it.

By overcoming all this adversity and hardship in my life, I realize how strong it has truly made me, and I know that nothing can knock me down forever. I will always overcome whatever it is life wants to throw at me, which makes me pretty unstoppable to becoming my greatest version.

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When you decide to overcome an adversity, it’s like you set all your other minor problems aside, and you begin working though whatever the major problem is youre dealing with. You realize that if you just work hard on this issue now, one day you will in fact be okay again. Nothing can or will knock you down forever, it really is all about how determined you are to get back up from it.

Nothing can or will knock you down forever, it really is all about how determined you are to get back up from it.

Some people choose to stay knocked down in grief and despair for a very long time, whereas others won’t ever get back up, and will stay down in their pit of grief forever. But some people, myself included, see adversity and hardship as a great tool for self-discovery and development. I have made it a challenge now, to see how quickly I can spring back from these forms of adversity, that are meant to knock people down.

When you look at things like adversity as a positive thing to grow and learn from, you dont understand how extraordinarily powerful having that perspective is in life. I am so grateful I grew up in the situation I did because I did face a ton of issues as a child that
I needed to overcome, and through doing so, I have now became an incredible person that knows I can do anything I want to in life because nothing can knock me down for very long.

Whatever adversity you have dealt with in the past, or are dealing with right now, know that the perspective you have when bad things happen to you means a whole lot more than you think… You can see the death of a family member as a tragedy, or as a blessing in disguise, and that alone will make all the difference in how quickly you will  be able to overcome such an event.

Know that nothing in life ever stays the same, and at some point or another, everyone will experience some form of adversity. It’s how well you handle the problem you are facing that determines a lot about who you are, and what you will accomplish in life.

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