My experience in Amway

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of the day I quit the Amway business, so I thought it was the perfect time to write about my experience in Amway! This is actually a funny story which I don’t really talk too much about it anymore, but at one point it was all I thought and cared about… Building the Amway business was my purpose. Or that’s what I thought anyways…

Looking back I feel like a fool for being swept up into this illusion, but they got me!!! I dunno what to say, but at the time of this experience, I really truly believed that I was right and everyone else who didn’t ‘get it’ was wrong. I was as stubborn as a mule.

It was the strangest thing though, because of how drastically I went from being super keen to build this business one day, to deciding to quit the very next… But, okay, I am getting way ahead of myself here. Let’s go back to the start…

It was during the fall of 2015, I had just come back from living in Vancouver for the summer, and I had just started back at my old cafe job, doing the exact same thing, back to my old dumbass, boring routine of work, workout, watch Netflix, sleep, repeat… Let’s just say I was very unsure about my future and pretty desperate for something to come along that would give me hope. I was actually pretty depressed when I came back from Vancouver, thinking that the world was ending.

But anyways, I decided to get a second job to try to fill some of this excruciating free time because at that time in my life too much alone time was too much for me to handle, so I needed to keep myself busy. So off I went and got a new serving job, where I met my future Amway sponsor.

I didn’t think anything of it when we first met, she was my manager and she and I got along well and we were quickly becoming friends. Working at this new job was only enjoyable when she was on shift, otherwise, I hated it, I made next to no money, and they were unnecessarily strict about greeting tables. I don’t like serving tables and feeling like I am a robot, I am sorry, I can’t say “Hey I’m Lindzay, I’ll be your server tonight, these are our specials… blah blah blah… ”

I just can’t do that. It’s not the way I roll… I like to be myself when I serve, I like to be able to say what I want to my guests, I don’t like following a script.

So anyways, I really didn’t like working there, unless she was in. She was just a very fun, happy and outgoing person to be around, and I wanted her energy, she knew how to love life, and nothing seemed to upset her, she was just always happy. And I was not, but I wanted what she had!

On one shift, she came up to me and started rambling on about this retired young couple that she personally knew that was helping her create passive income so that she wouldn’t have to work a JOB anymore!

I asked her, “okay what are you selling.” Knowing there had to be something…

And she said well this isn’t really a selling opportunity, it’s more mentorship and leadership based.

So I became intrigued to learn more at this point. I had heard about these types of things before, and I always knew somewhere inside that I would one day do something like that. Also, I always thought having a mentor would be very valuable in life, and I was looking for more, desperately looking…So we arranged to meet with her “mentors” in a coffee shop environment about 5 days later.

During that 5 days, a few things happened; I got drunk Saturday night and told the guy I liked I wanted something more, only to get told back that he doesn’t. Sunday morning was a shitty hangover where I cried half the day away, and then later the same day I got fired from this new job of mine… I have never been fired before in my life!

So I went home that night and cried, I was heartbroken, defeated and just utterly confused… The one thing I thought I was good at, which was serving, I just got fired from, I can’t do anything right! I hit rock bottom but instead of staying down there, the next day I started to climb out of the pit I had fallen.

I did, however, find it pretty suspicious that I got fired, to be honest, thinking she planned it all along and I would be more inclined to join her little “thing” if I didn’t have a job anymore.

When the night of the meeting with her mentors rolled around,  I remember sitting in my car outside the Tim Horton’s we were scheduled to meet, and it was about -30 outside, and I did not want to be there at all. Like who in their right minds would actually show up to a meeting in this weather? I arrived early just so I could hide in my car and watch them drive in and go inside… From there I would decide if I was going to go in also. What did they drive, did they even look like professionals, how successful were they going to be?

Part of me just wanted to take off, like I had this sudden urge to leave. Just go home, and carry on with my life as usual. Who knows where I would be today if I had chosen to leave that meeting that night…

Read: All it takes is one moment to change your life

But my curiosity got the best of me that night, so I chose to stick it out. ‘The mentors’ arrived and went inside. They drove a piece of shit car. Why the fuck are these people “retired” and driving a piece of shit car I questioned. I was quick to make judgments back then, and I was highly critical of myself and others.

“Okay,” I thought. “Just look past it, maybe its just not a huge priority for them…”

“I should leave...” I thought over, and over. I was still sitting in my car waiting for 7pm. Then my friend from the restaurant pulled in and went inside. I liked her a lot, and it was pretty much because I didn’t want to let her down which caused me to leave the safety of my car and go inside.

I followed her in, thinking we could chat in line, but when she entered she went straight over to this couple and started giving them both big hugs. ‘That is strange” I thought. “But that’s kinda nice, she must know them well… I don’t see that kind of admiration much in my life…”

I was having anxiety though so my very first impression was very cynical, skeptical and unfriendly. (which is why I work a lot on my anxiety problem)

So we do introductions and sit down and I half expected them to start talking all business-like talk, persuading me to buy some product…  But instead, they were asking me what my goals in life were, and what I wanted to experience in the future, which was just what I needed to hear, some people that were wanting to be successful in life!

Finally, I wasn’t the only one!! My current association had all started to settle for the mediocrity life, and I wanted no part of that whatsoever. I wanted to live a life of wealth and abundance! I wasn’t settling for less than what I knew I was capable of.

SO when this nicely dressed couple sat across the table and talked about business and success principle with me, and they actually listened to me and showed they cared about what I had to say, of course, I would soak it all in…

I immediately liked them ALOT. I left that first meeting overflowing with excitement for whatever this opportunity was, not being told of the name of the company at this point, nor would it have mattered, I didn’t know what Amway was anyways, it didn’t matter what it was, I knew I wanted to be a part of this. A whole new world had opened up to me that I had no idea existed.

I drove home that night and told all my friends and family about this incredible opportunity I was just told about. I was now in some sort of “qualification process” that required me to read the books they wanted me to and attend the selected meetings.

Wow, this was amazing!!!  I couldn’t wait to see what this was all about, and start recruiting everyone I know because this is just so amazing everyone I know will wanna get into it!

Basically, the business model I was presented with was: Build this business over the next 2-5 years, do what they tell you, start building a team, duplicate yourself,  and soon enough you will be making a passive income of 75k- infinite amounts a year that will allow you to *travel the world.

*This is what they told me because they knew all I wanted to do was travel.

It Seemed too good to be true, so most logical people won’t sign up, but me on the other  hand:

“Here take my money!! SIGN ME UP NOWWWWWWWWW!!!”


I wanted this so bad, I was probably the best “process candidate” anyone had ever seen. I saw this business as a way for me to travel freely around the world with this passive income coming in every month that they talked about. It made a whole lot of sense to me, and so I went head first into it. I imagined myself building this for like a year or two, and then earning like 5k a month that I could just travel the world with. It didn’t once occur to me that once I have a team of people, I would have to take care of them and help them build their own teams, meaning no I wouldn’t be free to travel. But it took me a while to realize this!

My friends all thought that I was insane. Like just absolutely bat shit crazy, they couldn’t believe what I had gotten myself into. Some didn’t even want to talk to me anymore…

Plus, I am pretty damn stubborn, so I completely thought that I was right and they were all wrong, and that one day when I was a millionaire they would regret laughing at me.

I started attending meetings a few times a month where they talked about creating an asset and building a team that would create a passive income monthly that would grow bigger and bigger with each new buisness owner (aka sucker) you recruited.

I was excited. I attended every single meeting eagerly writing notes and learning the buisness inside and out. I was always observing my surroundings and it wasn’t long before I realized that a lot of people that had been recruited into the buisness were never going to be successful in it, and were basically just wasting their time and money. They weren’t motivated at all, and I questioned how they even passed the process…

Myself, on the other hand, knew I had what it took to build the buisness. I was ambitious and eager to build a team and find a running mate that was just as excited about the buisness as I was, and together we would build a very solid buisness.

I would daydream at work all the time, thinking about financial freedom and retiring from my job that they brainwashed me to HATE from day 1. I would stand at work thinking “one day I will be free from this, and be living the most beautiful life travelling all over the  world with unlimited money coming in.”

They get you excited about retirement by inviting you to other buisness owners retirement parties. A few people I knew spent hundreds of dollars to travel to Vancouver from Calgary for one of the Amway big shots retirement party, I didn’t go because I was pretty new in the buisness still, and feesibly it didn’t make much sense for me to go. However that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to go, I wanted to experience as much of the buisness as I could, I was “all in” from the very first day.

The major functions…

Once every 4 months they had what are called major functions, which were intended to inspire and motivate you to go out and build your buisness. People tend to get pretty complacent and lazy at times, so the major functions were put on to get people out of their complacenty and actually build their businesses.

I was in Amway just a little bit over a year so I got to attend all 4 major functions…

The first one was called “Dream night” which my very first function and big meeting I got to attend. It was all very exciting and new, and I remember being extremely eager and excited. I got to dress up very nicely for it, do my hair and makeup, and I felt pretty good about myself now a new buisness owner. Dream night was all about the materialistic side of things, showing us fancy homes, cars, and boats. But what really got me excited was seeing all the travel the diamonds got to do, it all looked like so much fun, and I couldn’t wait to be in their shoes one day… the function did its job and got me dreaming again, I went home from that function and made myself a gigantic vision board.

The next major function was called “Spring leadership” and this was my first weekend-long major function. It was nothing short of exhausting. 3 days, Friday- Sunday and you are basically sitting in an uncomfortable arena seat for several hours each day. Saturday was definitely the longest starting at 10am and going until 2am that night. By Sunday I was spent. Just so exhausted… the weekend itself was fun at the time, and I remember being so excited about what I was involved in. I felt motivated by the event, but I shortly lost it once the weekend was over. I was starting to feel anxious at this point about building a team. I couldn’t seem to go out and tell people about this “incredible opportunity” I had. But I didn’t think much of it. At this point, I was reading a lot of books, and I was beginning to open myself up to God again, and so I kind of put my business on the side burner and wanted more than ever to dive fully into spirituality.

Read about: my spiritual journey 

The next major function was called Family Reunion, which was held in July in Spokane Washington. This was the first time I got to travel for the buisness and I was so excited! I took the bus down to Spokane with my sponsor. It was a nice trip, but it wasnt the kind of travel I was really looking for. I was stuck following the schedule they had, which involved sitting again in a arena for 3 solid days similar to the spring leadership. We did get to enjoy a banquet dinner, which was like 2000 people all rushing into a hall for a plated chicken dinner. It was sheer madness, but a unique experience to have… After that weekend was over, I once again felt motivated to build my team, which lasted once again only for a few short days before I sunk back into my usual routine. I was constantly trying to convince myself to go out and meet people, but I just couldnt bring myself to do it…

Two months later, in the month of September 2016 I went to the last major function of the year, which was held in Reddeer alberta, which is only an hour and a half away. This weekend I had fully convinced myself I would meet someone to build the buisness with, and finally I would get the push I needed to be fully commited… But I didnt meet anyone, and I went home feeling pretty sad. I kept expecting that I would meet some wonderful guy and together we would build the buisness together, and be financially free. There were afterall many single guys that were also in the Amway buisness just like I was, and it was really only a matter of time before I met someone. Oh and around this time I went to see a pyschic who confirmed that I would meet someone soon, and that she also saw me doing very well in a leadership/ managerial position. Which was perfect for what I was involved in at the time.

It wasnt until December came that I had my very first thought of quitting the buisness. I had never even considered it as a possibility and told myself that this was what I was doing with my life. I was fully in this buisness, body mind and spirit. OR so I thought.

The thought to quit came quite randomly. I was sitting in my bed one night after a meeting thinking to myself, “what would I do if I met someone great who had no desire whatsoever to build the buisness?” And the very first thought I had was, “oh well you will just quit then”


It was a confusing time because I really had no intention to quit, but aparently God had other plans for me, because over the span of the next month, I started getting bombarded by signs and warnings showing me that I needed to quit.

The first one was when I asked one night before bed if I was on the right path. (I often ask for dreams to guide me) and sure enough, that night I was shown a dream where I was in a really terrible cult that tortured people, but the message I got from the dream was that I had the free-will to leave at any point, I didnt need to stay anywhere I didnt want to, no matter who it might have upset.

I knew quitting this would be a really hard thing to do as it was going to let a lot of people down. But I realized from that dream that I wasnt trapped in doing this, or anything in life. I had the free will to do anything I wanted.

I didnt quit immediatly following that dream, actually at first I took it as meaning, well its not that bad of a thing, at least you aren’t getting tortured, it could be a lot worse I guess….

The last major function I went to was dream night, I sat there now one year into buisness, without a single team member, and without the burning desire, I had a year prior to do this… I still wanted to build it on a conscious level at this point, but after looking around and thinking:

“is this really how I want to live my life, attending these stupid boring functions for the next however many years…?” I looked at the hundreds of people around me, all were just links in the chain fence that were trying to do the exact same thing I was trying to do. I didn’t want to be just a duplicate in life, I wanted to be my own self, free to do whatever it was that I wanted!

I made the final decision to quit after flipping a coin. The question at hand was “should I quit the Amway business and travel the world on my own terms?”

I flipped the coin, and its results told me no I shouldn’t quit. But I had already made up my mind at that point. When the coin was in the air, I knew what I wanted deep down, and that was to quit.

Its been now exactly 1 year since I officially quit the Amway business. I learned so much through that experience, even though it didn’t turn out the way I had expected it to, the amount of knowledge I gained through reading, listening to audios, learning about success principle, and the countless of meetings I attended.

All in all, looking back I can say it was a phenomenal experience, even though it left me 10k in debt… But money is not everything, and I really believe the experience I had was worth that sum of money and I would do it all over again if I had the chance.

With Love and Light



My thoughts on reincarnation

What do you believe happens after death? No, I really want you to think about this because honestly few people have a solid belief. We generally never even think or talk about death, although it worries every one of us, and is a fear amongst many in life because we don’t really know what happens, and that is a mystery we will solve only when we die.

We don’t like talking about death for some reason… It is such a taboo topic, and even the most religious people among us don’t like talking about it. We end up living our whole lives without ever coming to terms with our inevitable death.

Instead, we come up with theories on what we think will happen. We create stories about heaven and hell. We believe when we die we go to God’s kingdom for some sort of judgment to see if we deem worthy enough to enter into heaven, and if we aren’t, we go to hell.

Another belief among some is that when you die, that’s it, game over. There is nothing waiting on the other side but darkness, but you are still conscious, and so you spend the rest of Eternity this way. Many people are afraid that when they die they will be locked in a dark room forever with nothing but their own irrational thoughts.

I dunno about you here, but neither of those beliefs really had me all that convinced. What’s the point of living a good life, and being a great person, if when I died that was it: game over? Life to me seemed far too marvelous for that to be the case. Sure I liked the idea of heaven, who wouldn’t? But then why was I on Earth now? Surely this couldn’t be the very first time I had lived, but with that specific belief, you get one life and that was it, then you would meet God and be judged on how well you did in this single lifetime.

However, I didn’t think that was right either, after all, I knew way too much for this to be my first and only time alive. I am what some would call an old soul, and this became clear to me at a young age when I was wise beyond my years. I just knew stuff that even the adults didn’t know, and I also knew that there was more to life than what I was being told, I was seeking for answers from a very young age.  I took it upon myself to figure out what I found truth in, and in doing so I formed a pretty solid belief in what I think happens after death.

During my searching I discovered reincarnation. Which is the belief that when you die, your soul cannot be destroyed, and will carry on in the cycle of birth and death over and over again until it has accomplished and learned everything it needs to, and then it will move on to a new world to learn a whole new set of lessons. Your soul is basically evolving, just like humanity is, and it takes many lifetimes in order to complete this cycle.

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The first time I heard about reincarnation, it was an AHA moment for me. I just knew that it was the truth, or at least it was true to my own soul. It just made the most sense, and it was the most positive outlook to have on life. This isn’t your one and only life, you come back multiple times, which would explain my constant wondering as to why some people were clearly more advanced than others.

Reincarnation was like a missing piece to the puzzle, and when I discovered it, everything else in my life started coming together. It became my mission to use this life to grow and evolve as much as possible knowing that when I died it wasn’t game over like so many had led me to believe.

Reincarnation is the most widely accepted belief in the world, with most its believers in the East. It is now becoming more accepted in the West, and I have a sneaking suspicion that science will one day prove it as true, after all, reincarnation now has numerous scientific studies on the topic, which suggests that our consciousness does not die with the body but stays for a while even when the body is pronounced dead, before leaving to somewhere else. (Where it goes after that is up for debate and I don’t think our human minds can fully understand this concept at this present time, afterall, life is a mystery.)

There are also children who seem to remember great details about their past life that they would not be able to recall unless it was true. Countless stories spread the internet of people (not only children) that remember accurate details about their previous lives, stating details such as names, addresses, what they did for a living and even how they died. One little boy told his parents he was murdered and he even brought them to his old house, his parents talked to the owners of the house who verified everything the little boy had said.

“Reincarnation is in fact paralleled by science. The first law of thermodynamics tells us energy cannot be created or destroyed.” 

Buddhism believes in reincarnation saying that a soul will come back time and time again until all lessons are learned and once enlightenment is achieved in the physical form, then the soul can finally exit the birth and death cycle and live in heaven (Nirvana).

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I would like to share with you now, some of my thoughts about reincarnation. These are all my own personal opinions on the subject, and I have no real proof that any of this is true, but this is just what I have discovered through my own journey, and it might lighten the path for you on your own journey through life. This belief in reincarnation certainly gave me hope.

  1. I truly do believe in reincarnation, and I have for a very long time now. No one would be able to change my mind on this one because it is such a firm belief that I consider it to be the absolute truth as to what happens when we take our final breath.
  2. I believe that when we die, we realize that life was just a play or a dream and that none of it mattered apart from the effect we had on other people. I believe that when you die, you do get a life in review and when you experience this, you also experience how you made everyone else feel that you encountered along your journey of life. This alone would be either very satisfying to someone who led a good life and helped out a lot of people, but it would be opposite to anyone who harmed others and lived a life of injustice. This includes mistreatment of animals and anything that is a conscious form of life for that matter.
  3. I believe that we get to choose our lives, based on the lessons we need to work on. I consider life is about learning/ experiencing and evolving where through time, we learn who and what we are through the countless experiences and lives here on Earth.
  4. However, I don’t believe we always come back to planet Earth. Have you ever looked up at the night sky and felt a sense of homesickness, even though you were already “home”? Well, I have… All my life I have been looking up at the stars wishing to go home, even though I have no idea where home is… I just felt out of place here on Earth, as I think a lot of human’s feel.
  5. With that being said, I don’t think Earth is the only planet we incarnate on, and there are millions and millions of other planets, all with different lessons to learn and experiences to have. On some planets, we are born with a full memory of who we are, (unlike Earth where we forget our origins) and we can live a lot longer on other planets than a human being on Earth would. (Although, human beings are designed to live a hell of a lot longer than the current lifespan, and that is due to the poisoning of our bodies with chemicals in our foods, and other toxins such as alcohol we willingly consume. Some of the great masters of Earth were said to live well past 1000 years old, just to give you an idea of how long human beings were made to last.
  6. I believe that we all decided to come to earth at this current time period. I believe we all came here with a mission, and that mission is for us to remember, however, we forget who we are and what we came here to do because when we incarnate on Earth, we suffer severe amnesia causing us to forget our past lives. (Planet Earth is said to be a very challenging planet to live on for this reason in particular) But our past lives don’t serve us, and it would likely just confuse us more if we were to remember them.
  7. I believe that if we all remembered who we were, the world would be a totally different place full of love, kindness, and joy. As I write this, people are waking up all over the world, and remembering again who they are. This means a great change is coming to Earth, humanity is remembering who they are and what they are capable of, they are also seeing what is wrong with the way the world is run, and these are the people who are going to change the planet.
  8. I believe that within the next 10 years, we will see massive changes to the way things on Earth are currently handled. I believe people are stepping up to the plate daily to change themselves, thus changing the world. We all have tremendous potential and you can do anything we want, but you must first choose yourself. Make your self-growth a priority, and watch how your life unfolds, and how many lives you change in the process.
  9. I believe when all of humanity wakes up to who they truly are, there will be a great shift on this planet. It has already begun, and things are starting to change. Great things are happening right now on planet Earth, and the next years will see tremendous change for our beautiful planet.


So now, put aside your skepticism and try to keep an open mind, but what if reincarnation were in fact real? What if you had hundreds and hundreds of lives here on Earth and countless more lives on other planets, but depending on where you are at in your soul evolution, you may be coming back to earth many, many more times yet.

I want you to imagine for a moment, that you died, and when you died you were now a free-spirit, a soul that is no longer attached to your physical body free of all pain and limitations. You could have anything you desired in the blink of an eye, every thought you had instantly manifested. You could travel the galaxies, and transcend space and time with ease. You could go into the past, and revisit old memories, and you could go into the future and see what’s in store for you.

You always will have free will, and so you can decide at any point that you want to experience life again, because isn’t that what this is about anyways, experiencing all life has to offer? Usually, we cannot wait to return to Earth for another go, its a grand adventure coming here! So you choose/design another life to live and down to earth you go again to be born again as a baby and to live a brand new life as a brand new person. A life that you created for yourself before you came down to earth, whether you remember that or not when you arrive. But, yes you are the creator of your life whether you believe that or not.

Isn’t that a much more compelling theory compared to when you die you will be judged on all your faults and sent to a place for eternity to either suffer in pain and torture or to be pampered in the lap of luxury. I don’t know about you, but neither of those sounds overly fulfilling, especially the first one… Living in luxury would be a nice vacation, but to stay there for eternity wouldn’t seem very enjoyable to me, and I feel I would get bored fast.

Let’s imagine that you are dead again, you just died in an accident and are now looking at your mangled car from above. Do you think you will even consider your house, or the current state of your bank account, or the car you drove to work for all those years?

No. You won’t. You’ll be thinking about your family. Your kids, your parents, your wife or husband. You wont even care about yourself anymore, because you will finally realize that your life is eternal, and the ego doesn’t exist in the afterlife. So you will thank your body for being your vehicle on earth, and release it.

You don’t need your body anymore, now you can go anywhere you want, so imagine you are now flying up towards the heavens, flying as high and as fast as you wish. You are all knowing, and you remember who you are again. You remember all your past lives and relish in the memories. Time is endless.

You get to the end of Earth’s atmosphere, and you stare down at this big blue planet. You hear her crying in agony as she’s being destroyed by none other than humans themselves, and in a flash, you are reminded of all the things you did in your past life to help destroy her. All the mistreatment you unknowingly caused to Mother Earth, you will feel. Everything you choose to ignore when you were alive will be reminded to you, and you will feel all the pain you caused to every living being on earth.

You will know that in a short time, you will have to return to Earth for a new mission and that you will vow to help fix mother earth, and help the children of earth. You see the bigger picture, and you realize that life is not about you, it is about how you treat other living beings, it is about the effect you had on others.

What if this were the truth, and this was really what you experienced when you died? How would you change your actions now? Because this doesn’t have to happen, we still have time. We can change the planet, one effort at a time. It doesn’t matter, because even a small step in the right direction, is better than a step in the wrong direction, or no steps in any direction.

Some actions to improve your own life, and help the earth at the same time!

-Read more. Reading opens up a whole new world.
-Quit eating meat & dairy: Read My thoughts on Veganism
-Don’t drink so much alcohol as it impairs the mind
-Educate yourself on issues and topics that you feel interested in
-Excercise frequently because without health you cant do much
-Meditate daily because it will remind you who you really are
-Work on discovering yourself each day: Read The Journey to Self-Discovery
-Take an online class or learn a new skill
-Help others genuinely and kindly. The golden rule…

I hope you enjoyed reading about reincarnation, and while I am not sure still if this is the truth because well I haven’t died yet, I have built my entire life around believing that when I die, I will get to reincarnate and enjoy another exciting life with its many lessons and experiences. This belief has removed my fear of dying, which is inevitably something we are all fearful of, and removing that fear alone, removes the fear of almost everything else, which in turn allows you to live a life completely free from worry/ fear.

Suppose reincarnation was in fact completely true, what kind of Earth would you want to return to?

And what are you doing today to improve it and more importantly, what are you doing to improve yourself?

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Other posts you might enjoy!

My spiritual journey

My thoughts on extraterrestrial life!

Why getting to know yourself is so important in life

How to overcome and grow from adversity

Why you need to believe in yourself

My thoughts on Extra-terrestial’s

“Do you believe in aliens?” He asked.

“Yes, of course, I think you would have to be completely living in a bubble, or just completely ignorant to believe we are the only form of life in the entire universe,” I replied. 

My words seemed to upset him slightly, and I could tell that he held a different belief than I did. Or maybe he just wasn’t sure what he believed, but he seemed rattled by my sturdy belief in the unknown.

The thing is, and what I find most interesting, is that a lot of people when asked the question above, they don’t seem to have a solid belief. They simply do not know what they believe. Which always surprises me, because, for myself,  I want to know everything!!!

Life is such a fascinating mystery to me, and I find myself interested in all the hot topics, which of course includes the idea of aliens, or extraterrestrials, whatever you wish to call them! This part of life has always intrigued me so much starting as a child, I would constantly find myself looking up at the stars and wanting to go home, wherever “home” was… I felt like I didn’t belong here on Earth. That I was from somewhere else. I knew in my heart that there was more to life than what I was told. This was far too magical of a place in my eyes to be just a random occurrence, or whatever science tells us what reality is. I just always knew that there was more…

Now before I get into my thoughts about E.T’s, If you don’t believe in them that’s fine, that’s your belief. But please don’t sit there and arrogantly say that you don’t believe in aliens when you know damn well you haven’t actually done any of your own research on the subject, and you’ve just taken the opinions of others as your own. Please keep an open mind during this, it could open your awareness to something grander than you once thought life was.

I can honestly say that if you don’t believe in them yet, you would pretty quickly if you started doing some research on your own, the evidence is astounding and it’s available now to us, but that’s not why I am writing today… I am here to tell you about my thoughts on them. This is my own personal opinion about the existence of Extra-terrestrials, but don’t take every word I say as truth, this is your own personal journey that you must find your own truth on, don’t simply take someone else’s truth. Use your own inner knowing to tell you your truth.

My Thoughts

Yes, I do believe in aliens. Without a single doubt in my mind, I believe in their existence. I will even go one step further and say that they are here, and have been here on Earth for a very long time. The majority of them are here to help us, they are kind and benevolent beings, but there are certain species that are here to control us and have been succeeding for many years now, which is why we experience so much fear and suffering, poverty, and disease on Planet Earth.

But worry not, for those days are short-lived.

We (as humanity) are starting to wake up to realize what is going on here, and we will not put up with it for much longer. Day by day, we are starting to wake up and realize, “hey, something isn’t right here… ?”

Daily more and more people are having what I call “spiritual awakenings”, and they are remembering who they are, and why they are here. They are asking for guidance through this confusing time, and guess who is there to help them?

Ah yes, the beings we have dubbed as “Aliens”, have been here helping guide humanity for centuries now, we just haven’t been aware enough to realize this. They are also much, much more advanced and civilized than we are, so they know that showing themselves to us is not a good idea, because we as a species haven’t been ready for that sort of revelation.

At least until now…

Like I said earlier, humanity is waking up, and we are beginning to remember who we are. It won’t be long before the first contact is made between the extra-terrestrials and us, and it will be undeniable to the masses. No one will hold non-belief anymore because we will be given undeniable proof.

From there, they will help us advance in ways we can’t even imagine currently. Our technology will skyrocket, free energy for all, free living for all, no more poverty, no more starvation, no more suffering… We will be the magnificent creators we were born to be, not the current way we think of ourselves which is the poor helpless human.

Life will be wonderful and how it was intended for us all along! 

This is what is in store for humanity. We have already chosen a collective agreement to take the path of light. We have walked through the darkness for thousands of years now, and we have finally discovered the light again, and it is incredible!!

People often ask me why I believe in aliens, despite there being sufficient “proof.” 

Well, to that I say there is proof, irrefutable proof can be found on the existence of aliens if you just spend some time doing research… Which I have been doing now for about 5 years, if not longer, because like I said, this is all so very fascinating to me, and I really do want to discover all I can about it.

There is no REAL proof of God either, except for the countless of witness accounts for their having visions of God, or talking with God, but no one has ever really “seen” God, other than the people we claim are “crazy” because there is no definite proof of God’s existence either, and still the majority of people on Earth do believe in God, the creator, or some form of higher power…

And so of course, the same thing can be said for aliens, there is no REAL proof that aliens exist, other than the countless of people who have all claimed to be in contact with, or have seen one for themselves, or even some will say they were abducted. We usually dismiss these people as “bat-shit crazy” when in all actuality, they really are saner than most people around them because they see through the illusions of reality, they are open to the unknown, and trust in the universe. They are “out of their minds” quite literally, and live through the heart with total love and understanding.

Although over the ages, these people that talk about aliens existing have been hushed and bribed with money or death to keep quiet and not share their experience. This has been the biggest coverup in human history, and they have done a pretty darn good job at covering it up and convincing the masses that aliens don’t exist…

This is the biggest coverup in human history! We have been lied to for centuries now… 

UFO sightings have all been kept secret from us for many years now, the media isn’t allowed to talk about it, the military personnel is sworn to secrecy being threatened with death or worse in order to keep them quiet. There is so much going on being the scenes that we don’t know about. The existence of aliens is only one thing that we have been lied to about, but more on that some other time…

The person who claims to have been abducted by aliens is labeled insane, and gets locked away in the mental hospital. Merely talking about aliens have caused an uproar of panic and distress amongst many. Humans are scared of the unknown, this we all must realize so we can remove that fear and learn to embrace the unknown.

It’s a taboo topic to talk about, we can’t seem to grasp the concept that there is so much more unseen than seen. We think seeing is believing, but there must be more to life than that. I honestly think its scarier to think that we are all alone in this big universe, to me that is terrifying. We would be quite simply doomed. But no, that’s not what I believe, I believe we are not alone, and that the universe is teeming with intelligent life, and I believe that many intelligent beings are here now to help us evolve.

We are aliens too! I believe that we came to Earth a very long time ago as explorers or “wayfinders” who navigated the stars to find planet Earth and started a life here for whatever reason. We really are just starting to scratch the surface for where we came from, how humanity all began, what the point of it all is. There are many secrets that will be revealed over the next coming years!

It is truly an amazing time to be alive! There is also about to be a wonderful shift for humanity, which is going to change our lives forever! The mass awakening is now in full swing, and it’s almost complete.

Which is why I love having these sorts of conversation with people, I love to see where they are at on their journey in life, my favorite question to ask people is whether or not they believe in aliens because it is a question I think we have all at some point wondered.

If you aren’t very interested in the mysteries of life, that is fine, but I often just wonder how can all this not be interesting to you!? There are so many cool things that are going on right now that I think everyone needs to be aware of, (which is so much more exciting than what Justin Beiber got up to over the weekend) and one of these things is obviously the existence of Extra-terrestrials and the awakening of humanity. Both of which make fascinating google searches.

For me, this whole topic of life on other planets is exciting beyond imagination!!
It basically tells us that no we aren’t alone like we thought, and there are unlimited possibilities out there to experience. Who knows, I wouldn’t be surprised in my lifetime if I got to ride on a spaceship to another planet and visit a different planet and a whole new species of life.

The universe is absolutely crawling with Life, we are just not aware of it… Yet. 

I really do think there is so much we don’t know yet, but humans have big egos and we like to think that we are the most evolved race in the universe, and we are ignorant to this fact and we think we know everything, which is simply just not the case. We might know maybe 1/100th of all the information and knowledge that is out there, and even I think that is an overestimation, maybe try 1/1000th.

We, after all, are a very young species., We are basically the toddlers of the universe. Everyone, (I mean the other species of the universe) everyone is watching earth right now, we are basically the greatest show in the universe, which is why UFO sightings have increased over recent years. Humanity is evolving, we are growing up sort of thing, from the children of the playground to the magnificent grown up beings we were intended to be!

The Extra-terrestrials are here now observing us, guiding us, and waiting for the day when they make initial contact with us, and it won’t be them going to the US government and hoping to make peace. I am sure it will be much more intelligent than that. They have highly evolved, after all, they aren’t just going to present themselves in a way in which we won’t accept and start shooting missiles at them. Although, we have done this already… Like I said, there’s a lot we don’t know about.

They will make contact in a way that everyone will be witness to it. I assume it will be in the skies, and we won’t be able to blame it on anything else but what it is. It will be undeniable proof to even the most skeptical among us. The day they make contact will change the way we live for the rest of our lives. It will start off as an ordinary day, but end completely different than when we awoke.

They are already sending us messages through the internet. Some of the alien species here to help humanity evolve have messages to share with the game-changers of Earth.

A simple google or YouTube search regarding this subject matter will entail many theories about extra-terrestrial life. This is just my personal theory, but I highly recommend you go and find your own truth, don’t just merely take what I believe as your own truth. We all have in us our own discernment to decide what is true for us individually, and I share my beliefs with you because I have a very strong foundation of truth. I no longer worry what people will think of me, as I know who I am, and what I have come here to do.

It would be easy to see the world as this negative, cruel and terrible place. With all the pain and suffering that takes place here. But I am here to calm your anxieties, for the future will be brighter than it has ever been in the past. We are entering into the golden age of time, which is why the E.T’s are here to help us ascend to the highly evolved beings that we are supposed to be.

When we become highly evolved, which is already happening on a grand scale, we will stop fighting each other, and instead, open our arms to our fellow brothers and sisters in love and understanding. The different religions or races upon Earth will no longer be a dividing factor, we will live in peace and harmony with one and other as we know that we are all one, and together we will create a magnificent new world!

Part 2 will be coming… Stay tuned.

With love and light


My Spiritual Journey

“In a wide variety of traditions, a Spiritual Journey is seen as a path toward one or more of the following: a higher state of awareness, the perfection of one’s own being, wisdom, or communion with God or with creation.” 

I thought I would write about my spiritual awakening(s) I have had over time… Something I reflect back on frequently but I haven’t really written about it before, probably because I had no idea where to start… But I find writing to be my greatest tool for self-reflection, and I think this is something I need to reflect over!

I believe that my spiritual journey started naturally when I was born, I was constantly being influenced by people around me. I grew up in a Catholic home, went to church and even attended a Catholic school my entire schooling years. So I do have a background in the Catholic religion, I have even completed the first three sacraments.

I just felt like religion seemed weird to me, all the traditions, ceremonies and rituals. But at that time in my life, it was the only thing I knew, and they did still speak a lot of truth, but there was something that was missing in it for me…

When I was seven I had my first big spiritual awakening experience when I witnessed my grandma pass away in front of me. My whole self-changed in an instant. Time stood still, and I was completely aware and in the present moment, nothing else mattered…
I lost my sense of self that tragic evening, it was my first real experience of death, but I had a deep inner knowing that it wasn’t the end, I would see her again one day, and she would always be with me in my heart.

Read about My experience losing someone close

I was seven years old the night my grandma and best friend passed away. It was my first real experience with death, and I understood it very well for my age. I knew she was gone and I would never see her again. I suddenly realize that I was a mortal being and that my life had an eventual ending point. You lose some of your childlike wonders when you first come to terms with death as a child, you realize that your life is limited, and you don’t have all the time in the world to accomplish things. You stop taking things for granted, people especially, when you know they don’t have forever.

It was a very long, cold and snowy night, but I wasn’t alone, I felt I was being comforted by who I have come to know as God, who came to my aid that night and assured me everything would be okay, time heals all wounds and that I would learn a great deal from this experience. I felt his presence and felt calmness and peace.

After a while of crying,  my tears had healed me and I felt a sense of peace. I had quit crying completely and felt strength and courage like I had never felt before, so I went on that night to comfort my family members, and to take care of my own mom who has just lost her’s whose heart was painfully broken. I was a very empathic and compassionate child… All I was thinking that night was, “yes this is really hard right now, but you’ll get through this experience, and you will be stronger because of it.”

I even had the thought that one day this would all make more sense, and I would even write about this experience. But at 7 years old, I definitely wasn’t a writer yet. But now I understand what that meant, it just took many years to figure that out, but all the pieces are falling into place over time…

That night was the first night I realized that I was eternal. Even though death would take our physical bodies, the soul would live on forever. I still felt my grandmothers presence, she was still around, I just couldn’t see her anymore. This understanding at such a young age I carried with me throughout my life, it changed me in profound ways. I no longer feared death. I didn’t want to die yet, but I wasn’t scared of it happening because I knew that something would come next, it wasn’t the “end.” Like so many have to come to believe…

My family was concerned about my well being, wondering if they should send me to therapy for going through such a traumatic experience. I always said I was fine, it was something I knew I needed to go through on my own, my soul had planned this for its own soul growth. But I was fine, and I also knew that death was a part of life and it was all necessary, no matter how terrible and heartbreaking it is. It certainly made me appreciate everyone a lot more knowing that my time with them was limited.

I realized through that experience that change is inevitable, nothing stays the same forever and that it’s through the hard times that we grow the most. I have come to see experience as one of life’s greatest teachers now, and when I do have a bad experience, I see it as an even better learning opportunity for my self to grow from.

Following that night, I began to “wake up” slowly over time to who I was, and what I was doing here on this planet called Earth. I had a profound sense of self while growing up, something I realized that most people around me didn’t… I talked to myself a lot, which sounds crazy, but I always got an answer to all my questions. It’s like children with imaginary friends, the voice inside became my best friend, and because I was alone a great deal growing up, we would talk pretty much all the time.

It was a wise voice, and had all the answers to all the questions I had.

I felt somewhat special, or different than the rest of the people around me. I clearly knew something that few others seemed to realize, and I could tell this simply by observation. It was like having a deep awareness of your self, not the self you think you are, but the deeper self. The observer of life. The unbiased, nonjudgemental part of you that is experiencing the life you are living. The eternal, all-knowing and timeless soul inside each and every one of us. But try understanding that one when you are 10 years old and the internet doesn’t exist yet… I certainly thought I was crazy.

I grew up always watching, and observing, coming up with my own understanding of things, and trying to figure out the nature of life. I was thinking the big questions in life from a young age, who am I? Why am I here? What is the meaning of all this? What does being alive mean?

I knew instinctively that the way most people lived life was entirely wrong, completely backwards if anything. There had to be more to life than what I was being told, and what I could see… This place was far too wonderful of an experience for us to be here to work for 40 years to pay the bills and then hope you have enough money to last you through retirement… It just felt that we were doing it all wrong, like something important was missing from the framework of society.

After growing up way too quickly, I was extremely mature for my age. At 10 years old I remember thinking to myself, I am no longer a child, I am past that stage, I’ve seen too much, I am basically an adult now. But I was okay with that, I wanted to grow up, I wanted the freedom the adults had, I’ve always been a free spirit, and I couldn’t wait until I was old enough to make my own decisions.

Some would call me an old soul, or wise beyond my years, and to be honest, I was, or I am. Still to this day I find myself thinking like an old wise man, not a 26-year-old female millennial. I should be out partying and seeing what Kim Kardashian is up to, but no. Instead, I am meditating, and reading about the origins of humanity, Who we really are, and where we are going, writing about my journey, and traveling as often as I can. I am contemplative and curious, I always want to know more about life, existence and who I am. Which is why I ask these questions to myself so frequently… Its the only thing that has really intrigued me in life, figuring out the meaning of life is fascinating to me.

“Let your mind start a journey thru a strange new world.
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before.
Let your soul take you where you long to be…
Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar,
and you’ll live as you’ve never lived before.” 

~  Erich Fromm.

I always knew that something big would happen in my lifetime. I didn’t know what it was going to be when I was younger, but now I know that its the awakening of humanity that is happening, and what a truly wonderful time to be alive indeed!

Currently, we are all experiencing spiritual awakenings all over the earth, and it can be a confusing time for many because what will happen is age-old beliefs will be destroyed, leaving us feeling confused and lost in a sea of information. We are basically getting upgrades, like the way a computer would, and we are evolving to a higher state of consciousness.

Having a spiritual awakening can be a time of confusion for many, and many have also been told they are crazy for some of the stuff they come to realize after a spiritual awakening. But if you have lived your entire life believing that you are just a helpless human and youre nothing special, insignificant and unworthy of love, joy and peace. And then you have a spiritual awakening and you realize that you are just sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much more than you once thought you were, it can be a pretty overwhelming experience.

But its nothing we cant handle, even at times you want to lock yourself in your room and never come out. Which I experience on a frequent basis…


The awakening has already begun and has been taking place already for many years, but now it is getting stronger and faster. Earth is now being bombarded by light energy, and people all around the world are waking up to what is true.

I used to experience an awakening like once a year, and then it was every month, and now it seems like every week, or even daily sometimes. They come in waves I guess. They can be a little overwhelming, especially if you don’t understand what is happening. Sometimes I will feel like I cant keep up with what I am realizing, and then other times it feels like I haven’t had one in ages, and I actually want one to come.

When I talk about these awakenings I mean, I am experiencing these A-ha moments or sudden realizations about reality. Such an example could be, the realization of who you are, or when you get a tiny glimpse of the big picture. We realize a new truth about ourselves that implies, there is no going back to what you previously thought. Your old beliefs are stripped down and you fight to stay afloat. It’s like your entire world falls apart in a matter of seconds so that you can start building on what new information you have discovered, and the new information you will start to understand will blow your old beliefs about reality OUT OF THE PARK! The truth is a phenomenal discovery about who it is we truly are, we are magnificent beings with limitless potential who have been lied to for thousands of years about our origins.

We won’t understand a lot of it when it is happening, but somehow through time, it sorts itself out and all make sense one day. We just have a very very limited perspective as to whats going on here, imagine seeing reality through a tiny pinhole in a piece of cardboard. That is basically how we as humans experience it… So it’s very limited, there’s a lot going on that we don’t understand, see, or experience.

Einstein said it perfectly when he said:
“There is more to heaven and Earth Horatio than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”

When I was 7 and had that spiritual awakening, I didn’t in that moment know that’s what it was, I had no idea what was happening!! I actually thought I was going crazy. But whatever it was, it had shaken me to the core of my being. Nothing could ever change that experience for me, it was mine to learn and grow from. I have gone back in my mind to that night many, many times. I’ve written about it many, many times. And I’ve never stopped learning something new from it.

That night when I witnessed my grandma die, I realized I was an eternal being, and death just meant I move on to something else, I would never “cease to exist completely” and that gave a spark to the fire in me that wanted to grow as wild as it could.

I became a free spirit, who knew I was immortal. This current life was just one out of thousands I would get to experience. I knew I lived before this life also, even though I couldn’t remember it, and although I didn’t learn about reincarnation until I was much older, I believed in it fully.

If life was, in fact, eternal, that meant that I wanted to learn as much as I could about life. I never interested myself in the subjects learned at school because I never cared much for them, I cared mostly for just following my heart and learning about things that were of interest to me in each present moment. Some days I will spend the entire day looking into the existence of aliens for example because that is a subject I find fascinating! Who are we to say that we are the only intelligent life in the entire universe made up of billions, and billions of other galaxies?

I never enjoyed being forced to learn a specific subject. Plus from a young age on I knew there was something wrong with the school system, and I had a bigger dream than what we were told, aka, go to school, get a degree, get a job, find a partner, get married, by a house, have a baby… You get the point. But I had a much bigger dream than the typical “American Dream” so  I chose not to take the post-secondary route and instead took the real-life experience as my path.

You know how in the game of life you can choose to either go to university and start out life 40k in debt? Or you can choose to go the other way and instead start working and making money right away… Well I played that game when I was a kid, and I never choose school back then either, I always, and I mean always went straight to work. Which I actually reflected on that as to why I was never going to school, even in a hypothetical game, and so I wanted to know why I was so against going to school…

But I just saw right through the illusion of it…

 “Yeah let’s start all our young people off thousands of dollars in debt at the very start of their life so that they have to work a job their entire lives and will never discover the creative spirit inside of them because they won’t have any free time to discover who they truly are. Oh and also, lets encourage drinking so they literally destroy their most valuable asset, being their minds while they are at it because we will make them live for the weekends and go out and spend all their hard earned money on alcohol or more material stuff just to fill the void with… But first they will spend the first 18 years in the education system that is designed to keep them under control, so we don’t have anyone disobeying us.”

After all, isnt that what school does? Train our children to obey the system, and lose their most powerful ability, their imagination… But don’t worry, that’s going to be changing soon too, there are great people out there already fighting for a different education system because our current one is just not working…

And so anyway, of course when I finished high school in real life, I went right to work, ready to make a life for myself. I was excited and hopeful, ready to make some money, buy some stuff, travel the world, and do all these awesome things. Create a stellar reality for myself.

But then, of course, real life had to get in the way of my plans, when the force of nature took my mom from my life when I was 20 years old.

It was a very dark period of time for me. I won’t sugar coat it, I was angry, and I couldn’t see how this truly loving God would do such a thing to me when I had already experienced so much tragedy in my life? I knew deep down that everything does happen for a reason, but that light in me was growing fainter by the day.

I went spiraling out of control, and admittedly, I turned my back on God in an angry attempt to take life into my own hands, since he clearly didn’t care for me anyway… Some loving God I thought, taking my mother from me, what had I done to deserve this?

My mom had been my best friend growing up, my biggest fear as a child was losing my mother, something that caused me extreme anxiety… And despite my best efforts at 12 years old when I tried to persuade her to quit smoking and start living a healthier lifestyle, or else she wouldn’t see my wedding day.

My efforts proved futile.

She never did quit smoking, and her life was ended at the age of 56 from Heart disease, which doesn’t surprise me one bit when I look at the way she lived. But at the time when she died, I just didn’t see a point to living anymore, despite my understanding of the law of attraction, my life was still falling apart and crumbling beneath me. I was in a pretty deep and dark pit, and it wasn’t very nice.

I call these days, my dark days. I didn’t do really anything other than sleep, eat, and play video games. I worked maybe 1-2 days (12 hours total) a week earning me just enough money to pay my bills, and buy food. I gained about 30 pounds during this period of time, which I have now lost completely, and am back to a normal weight, but it certainly wasn’t easy.

I hated myself so much during these times. When I looked in the mirror I saw an enemy looking back at me, not my best friend. It was a horrendous time period, but one that I had to go through no doubt. It changed me, and helped me grow into the person I am today, but of course, I couldn’t see this at the time. I had no hope for the future, I was extremely depressed, I didnt see a point in continuing.

Read about: My experience dealing with depression

There was a night, it was sometime in December 2012, Ironically enough… When I had this experience where I thought about killing myself, and I was trying to come up with the easiest and least painful way to end it all. What was the point anyways? Life wasn’t this magical thing I had thought as a child, life was depressing, painful, and full of fear and suffering, why would I want to continue living if I was just going to die? The darkness had taken over so much, there was no more light so that I had forgotten completely who I was, and it had me convinced that I was worthless.

As these thoughts raced through my head, and I decided that taking a bunch of pills and going to sleep was the best way to end my life, I was greeted by the voice I had turned my back on… God had come to the rescue! But I have to tell you that at the time, I didn’t know it was God, I came to that realization 4 years later, but for storytelling purposes… Let me continue.

As I sat there weeping on the floor of my living room, tears streaming down my face, it came to me as a moment of pure awareness that I will never forget because it changed my life completely…

He said, “Do you really want your mom’s life to be for nothing? Or do you want to rise up from this, and be the person you were meant to become?”

I didn’t know what to respond, like sure I always knew I was here for some bigger purpose, but I was 22 now, and I truly thought that my life was over, so what was I supposed to do? I also really couldn’t stand the person I had become, let alone believe in myself to make some impact on the world that I had also grown to hate. When I looked at the mess the world was in, I hated what I saw. So much hatred, greed, and fear taunted my thoughts. I didn’t see the love at all anymore because the darkness had taken over my life so well. I really didn’t want to live in such an awful world…

But then at the same time, I thought about my mom, and all the sacrifices she had made raising me as a single mother, raising me in such a phenomenal way that people would often comment on the great job she did raising me. She did so much for me, working her ass off to put food on the table, she sacrificed so damn much to raise me, and I certainly couldn’t just give up. No that was not happening, but how was I supposed to move on from this? I was broken and I couldn’t see a way to be put back together…

I was full of fear and doubt, terrified for what the future would bring… 

Before I could answer the question, in my mind’s eye I was directly shown two visions, the first one was a version of me if I stayed on the path I was on… I was about 40 years old, I was a fat, obese even, depressed crazy cat lady, living all alone filled with fear, sadness, and full of regrets for not living the life that I knew was possible. That was if I continued on the path I was currently on without God and his guidance by my side.

The dark path. What a bummer… I thought.

Then the second vision followed immediately after, and it was me at 30 years old, or maybe I was 40 but I certainly didn’t look it. I was happy and full of light, love, and positivity. I had many friends all over the world, I was an avid world traveler, bookworm, and seeker of truth. I was also in true love with someone, and genuinely happy. My life looked absolutely magical!

This was the life I would one day have if I choose to walk with God again, and allow him back into my life.

That night I made the decision that I would choose the second vision, no matter what it meant, I would start working to create a better self, and a better life. The two visions are what inspired me. I knew I couldn’t continue living the way I had been out of fear of becoming that depressing version of myself. I knew I needed to make a change, and I believed in myself enough to slowly start walking down the path.

“To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping”

~  Chinese Proverbs 

I did not have these realizations right away, I didn’t know what was happening, but that night I subconsciously choose to walk with God, but it wasn’t like we were instantly best buddies again. We slowly, and I mean very slowly started a relationship together.
I needed to learn to trust again because I had been so hurt in the past already. There was a lot of work I needed to do during that time, and it was like I was standing at the base of the mountain looking up wondering how on Earth I will climb that. I could envision myself at the top thanks to our wonderful mind, but I had no damn clue how I would get up there.

What I didn’t realize at the time though, was that I didn’t need to know how I would get up the mountain, I just needed to take the first step, and God would lead me up it. We don’t need to know how we are going to do something, we just need to trust that it will all unfold as it needs to.

I was a proud atheist at the time. Proud of not believing in anything. I had lost all faith in God, universe, source, energy, whatever you want to call it. So I just followed what science was saying which was we were a rare occurrence on this rock ball floating through space, and there was no grand meaning behind it all. There was no purpose or meaning to life. Little did I know that God was there that whole time, though he wasn’t obvious about it, he gave me the space and time I needed, as his plan slowly revealed itself to me.

I will fast forward three years because nothing huge happened in regards to my spiritual journey, I was focused on personal development but not the spiritual side of things yet…

So in the year 2015, I had finally started to get my life on track, things were looking good again, I was at a healthy weight after spending the last few years busting my ass at the gym, I was starting to travel finally after it being my lifelong dream,  I had just got back from living in Vancouver during summer 2015. I was extremely obsessed with personal development during this time period, which is when I found the Amway business. (I still need to write about this experience too I just realized!)

That was another way in which God worked his magic through me because I specifically remember that when I joined the Amway business I said: “oh yeah this is good and all, but I am not having any FAITH whatsoever.” I was very stubborn and proud to not be like all those seemingly “crazy” religious people. Oh, boy was I ever naive, we all do think we are right though.

This was only back in January 2016 that I said that! But then I started reading books again, I had always loved reading, but I had seemed to forget about it over the years. So over the period of about 6 months, through the powerful force of reading, I started to allow the idea of God and faith back into my life because I was seeing him from a different perspective now.

He was extremely patient with me and I slowly began to open myself up to him. Over 4 years after the night that I had those two visions I finally consciously decided that I wanted God back in my life. Oh, how little did I know at the time that he had been working his magic out already for many years! His plan is so much grander than I could ever imagine, and that’s what I have realized when I start to connect everything in my past together.

I was no longer seeing him as this outside being that was playing with the strings my life, but I started to see him as inside myself co-creating my life WITH me, whether I knew this or not. Our thoughts create our realities. God was my intuition, that voice inside that I talked to a lot when I was younger whom I considered my best friend, and still do but, I didn’t know that THAT voice was God. This I realized a couple years ago, and it blew my mind when I did! It was like ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh I GET IT NOW.

From that moment on, I suddenly got it. I was an essence of God, I was God. I am God. I am the creator of my reality, I am unlimited potential, I can be, do or have anything I want. It was the biggest awakening I think I have ever had. The day I realized that we are all God, we are all here to remember, experience and enjoy the wonders of life and that is why God created us. We are all sons and daughters of God, and when Jesus said, “What I can do you can do too,” he truly meant it, he knew who we actually were even though we don’t.

But from that moment of pure clarity, everything changed for me. I became OBSESSED with spirituality, I went from being proud to not have any beliefs or faith. Arrogantly stating I was an atheist, to suddenly and seemingly overnight, believing with full conviction in God, as well as believing in myself.

I remember when I first started to tell my friends, and they thought I was joking at first, but when I stood true ground, they realized I was far from joking. I have been very strong willed since I was a young child, my aunt told me I had a very strong mind even at 2 years old. I hold conviction in what I believe in, and no one can tell me otherwise, I am not someone you want to get into an argument with, especially if its something I feel strongly about, I am pretty strong-willed when it comes to my faith.

I read everything I could find on the subject, and still I am completely mesmerized by this whole new world I have discovered inside myself, the unseen and spiritual side of things. It seems that the more I feel I learn, the more I realize how much there is that I don’t know yet.

Read about: The Journey to Self-Discovery

The deeper I fall into my own self, the deeper and deeper it goes. I don’t think there will ever be a time when I can honestly say, “yes I know and understand everything that there is to know” That is just a completely false statement and anyone who claims they know everything are fooling themselves.

I am slowly falling through the veils of reality, and it has been a wild ride. There are illusions everywhere we turn on planet earth, and I don’t doubt that in time all these illusions will disappear leaving us with how reality was intended to be. God has a magnificent plan and he is here now. Daily more and more people are opening up to the possibility of something more, there are no coincidences, everything happens all for a reason.

My suspicions as a child were accurate when I thought that there was something severely wrong with the world, but we are now waking up to this on a global scale, and that will cause us to dramatically change. It is already underway on a global measure, countless of people every day are having these spiritual experiences just like I have. I believe all of humanity will eventually wake up in the same way many others have, and we simply won’t choose to live in fear anymore. The light always overcomes the darkness, and it is always darkest right before the dawn.

Peace on earth is coming in the near future. We will live to see a brighter day! Faith in humanity will be fully restored, and we will once again be who we were created to be, full of unlimited creative power! 

Continue reading… My spiritual journey: Part 2 – In progress now!

With Love and Light


Other posts you might enjoy:

The Journey to Self-Discovery

Why getting to know yourself is so important in life

Why you need to believe in yourself



2017: Year in Review

As the year 2017 comes to an end, I can’t help but always take some time to reflect back on everything I have accomplished, or not accomplished during the year. It is always quite fascinating for me to look back and see how far I have come in just a year, thinking wow, if I could do all that in a year, think of how much I can do in 5 or 10 years.

Thinking big picture like that has always been my strength. I see long-term, what my life can look like in 10 years if I keep doing the things I am doing every day. I see visions of my future self and that is what keeps me moving forward in life. I visualize myself achieving long before it happens, in reality, some goals that I desire.

I don’t worry about things that aren’t in my control, which includes everything outside myself. I cant control the weather, the environment, other people, the animals, or the world. I can only control my own self. Life is such a fascinating journey, and it only feels like I just begun.

I feel more conscious every day and it has started to become a thrilling hunt. I want more. The more and more I understand, the more I want to understand more, and then the flow stops. Maybe I get information overload and I need to take a step back to catch up? It comes in ups and downs, I will either be like high in the clouds, or right down to reality.

So without further ado, let me go back to January 1st, 2017 the first day of the new year.

I was still in the Amway business, so a lot all of my new year’s resolutions were business related, but here the main ones anyway:

  1. Become a vegetarian – (I did this in August!)
  2. Build Amway business to a specific level- (I quit after 16 days of the new year…)
  3. Reach Ideal body (I lost 20 pounds but still not at ideal weight)

I quit Amway on January 16th and never looked back. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and I felt free. Freedom to do whatever I wanted in life again, without having to answer to anyone. I truly understood what freewill meant.

From there, I booked a flight to California leaving a day after my 26th birthday, I made an agreement to myself to always no matter how busy life got, that I would take myself on a trip for my birthday. For my 26th bday, I choose Los Angeles but ended up renting a car and driving up along the coast to Santa Barbara. Such an incredible time, and even though it was a fairly simple trip, it still pushed me out of my comfort zone.

Makes me even more grateful now due to all the wildfires in California destroying that whole area I got to explore last year. Read: My thoughts on the California Wildfires

Also, once I quit Amway, I decided I would like to start skiing again, so I started going out to Canmore for a night here and there, I ended up meeting Grant from South Africa, and we started seeing each other. We dated for 2 months before we mutually decided to end it, but during the time we dated, he taught me how to ski, which was awesome!

In March, I lost my job at the cafe that I was at for over 4 years. I had told God previously that whenever He wanted me to quit, that if Sherry just would come over and yell at me I would take that as a sign. The day she yelled at me, I was super sick, so my mental clarity wasn’t there either, so I basically snapped and walked out. Upon leaving the building I felt a big smile spread across my face. I was done. Finally, after 4 years I was walking away from the place that had me trapped because the money was really good. I was finally free!

Worry came and went, mostly because when I quit my job I only had $300 in my bank. But somehow I knew I would be alright, and I always made do. I was unemployed for 2 months during which time I started writing a lot, and I started this very blog!

It was during this time that I prayed to God for an adventure. I was so bored, and I didn’t want to spend another summer in Calgary, I wanted to go somewhere! I craved an adventure! But unfortunately, I only had $13 in my bank account, which couldn’t even afford me a tank of gas.

God answered my prayers though and presented me with the Mobilize jobs company. Which sent me out to Revelstoke to work and live. I was so excited I could hardly contain myself! Life was so incredible!

Read Life update: The universe is so incredible!

So on May 23, I gave my keys to my landlord, got in my car, and once again drove west. I was full of excitement and anxiety for what I was about to experience. I had no idea what to expect.

Revelstoke was amazing though, looking back sure there were some challenging times, specifically working all those graveyard shifts at Denny’s, but all in all, what a fantastic experience. I grew so much in the two months I was there.

Working at Denny’s, living with my roommates Tamika, and Camila, getting our little bunny Kiwi, meeting and seeing Mark for those two months, and of course, going on day trips to the beach or going on hikes surrounded by the surreal beauty of the mountains.

I spent my evenings outside blown away by the view from my very own patio. What a tremendous experience that was, and it was worth every single fear or worry that I had going into it.

Read My experience living in Revelstoke B.C

After two months, the novelty of it all started to wear off, and if the job hadn’t been so bad I would have stayed. But I didn’t. I quit and decided that enough was enough. From there I went on a week road trip, partway with Camila, part way on my own. During this week, I pushed myself and camped all alone and I also stayed in a hostel for two nights.

From there, I came back to Calgary. I felt depressed for about a week upon returning, mostly because this great adventure I had just been on was over, and I felt that I wouldn’t go on one again for a very long time. It’s funny though how time passes by very quickly.

I quit eating meat on August 1st, and it is incredible the benefits I have received. I feel much less negative than before, I am happier. The excess weight seems to just melt away naturally. I feel more spiritually in tune.

Read My thoughts on Veganism

During August, I found work at egg oasis, and then during the solar eclipse on August 21st, I had an interview at Valley Ridge golf course and got the job. I thought it was a good sign that it was in the middle of the solar eclipse that I had my interview.

In September I worked a lot and made a lot of money. I had a couple thousand dollars in my bank by the end of September, which I was going to use for a trip to Mexico to get some dental work done, but I instead decided to hold onto it and buy myself a set of skis.

I started doing Yoga in October, and I am mad I didn’t do this sooner, I love yoga so much! It makes me so calm, and relaxed, and not to mention the physical benefits I have received. It has given me a much different outlook on my body!

I really started to actually try meditation during November, after just like yoga I kept putting it to the side even though I knew I would benefit from it. I guess with some things you just gotta be fully on board to do something, body, mind, and spirit. My spirit wanted to, but my body and mind were like no meditation is hard and its a waste of time.

I studied, read and wrote a lot during the fall. I  grew my faith more and more by the day, and I dove deep into my own self. My awareness is opening up more day, and I am realizing my full potential and what I am capable of. The more I dive in, the deeper I realize this goes. This is not something that you ever necessarily finish because it is a lifelong learning. When I think about how far I have come in a year, I am interested to see what I can do in 5, 10 or 20 years.

Read Life update: Who am I? 

December will be a reflection month no doubt, and of course, I will probably try planning out the new year, just the same way I planned out 2017 (which nothing happened as I planned out btw)  but its just in my nature to want to plan my life out. Even just knowing this is a rough framework to follow, which is more along the lines of how I plan things out now anyway.

The main lesson I have taken away this year is probably present moment awareness. I have been trying to remain present as much as I can, which is something all the great masters have taught. I find I am much more calm and happy when I can just enjoy the moment, and not always worrying about whats next. I noticed I did it a lot when I would be enjoying a beautiful walk in the park, but I would already be thinking about what I needed to do when I got home.

Being present is something that one must continually work on because it doesn’t necessarily come naturally to most. The benefits of doing it are extraordinary, you realize how much you’ve missed in life just because you were too lost in thought to enjoy some of the little things in life. Mindfulness and meditation have been complete game-changers for me this year, and I intend to make those a priority come 2018. I have big plans for the new year, but still, nothing is set in stone, I go with the flow, and that alone has led me to some amazing opportunities!

I am confident now more than ever, and I have a very clear path ahead of me, I also know I am on the right path because of all the soul work I have been doing. Life is so wonderful, and I seriously cannot wait to see what it has in store for me!

“I am who I am, your approval is not needed” 

Other interesting posts: 

The Journey to Self-Discovery

Why getting to know yourself is so important in life

Why I plan to go after my dreams, and you should too!

The Journey to Self-Discovery


When I wrote Why getting to know yourself is so important in life I feel now looking back, that I was just putting my toes in this big ocean of knowledge that resides in me. Now a few months later, I realize how deep this ocean goes, and it’s mind-boggling. Its absolutely unreal what we are, and what we are capable of. I feel like a giddy school girl who has just discovered the big secret of life, and I want to tell everyone about it!

Three years ago I started this journey of self-discovery at first very unknowingly. I just all of a sudden started to care about my self more and became curious about everything relating to self, who was I, what was this reality I was experiencing, why was I here? Were all some of the questions I began to wonder. I have now been on this journey for a little over 3 years, and what an experience it has been. So much of an experience I have decided to write a book about it!!

This is a journey I truly believe everyone needs to go on in life. Its something you can start right here right now, just by simply saying “from here on out, I will make a greater effort in getting to know myself a little bit more each day.” Even if you only find out that you don’t like a certain color one day,  the process can seem very slow at times, and other times the process will feel like its only speeding up more and you can’t slow it down, and those times can be a bit crazy because you are realizing so much about yourself in a very short period of time, and you are changing a lot every day so it can be hard to keep up and quite overwhelming.

But its all part of the journey. Everyone’s journey will be different. For some, it will be quick, and others it will take longer, but it doesn’t matter how long it takes, what matters is you begin. Take the first step, tell yourself right now that you are going to make more of an effort from this day forward towards the discovery of yourself.



It is the greatest journey you’ll ever go on, it’s truly an incredible ride that makes your life wonderfully beautiful and rich with meaning and fulfillment.  The journey of self-discovery will be the most important things you do here on Earth, we must realize in human form who we are, and what we are capable of. That light inside us wants us to realize its there, it’s waiting for us to remember it so he can guide us to live the life of our dreams.

All the richest of the world won’t bring you as much happiness, peace, and fulfillment as self-discovery will. Its something the rich can’t buy and the poor can’t lose. It stays with you forever if you take the time to do it, and its the best thing you will ever spend your time on, the payoff will be tremendous!

I am not sure now, if there will ever come a time when I come to the end of my journey, it’s not something that you can really see the finish line on, because even once you feel like you know everything there is to know about yourself, you’ll discover something else, and the journey continues. If you are in a hurry or want results instantly, you should instead start with learning the art patience, because self-discovery is a lifelong process, you don’t merely wake up one day and know who and what you are. If it were that simple, then everyone on planet earth would be living to their fullest potential, which we all know isn’t the case.

The world is a bit of a mess right now, but that doesn’t mean things are not happening. Behind the scenes, millions of people are on the journey of self-discovery already, and are remembering who they are. This is an extraordinary time in human history because humans are becoming more conscious, we are rising from the slumber we have been enduring for many ages, but those times are over and humanity is waking up. Humanity is going to accomplish great things in the next years, and if you don’t want to miss out, I suggest hopping on the self-discovery train as soon as possible!

Unfortunately, though, a lot of people won’t ever take the first step on the path of self discovery, and its very unfortunate that they dont, but they get caught up in their version of reality and dont ever take the time to do this. When I asked people I know how much time people put into self discovery, I was suprised to be met by blank stares, unsure of what I meant.

“You know… Like how much time do you take each day to get to know yourself? Self-reflection, reading, writing, learning about who you are, that type of thing?’

Still nothing. This surprised me greatly since I truly believe this is one of the best journeys one can and should ever go on in life. But I realize that I am only concerned over my own actions, and I can force someone else to do this. I can just share my own experience and hope that someone else might resonate with it, and use their own decision making process to determine that this is something they would like to do.

I truly believe that to change the world, it begins with ourselves. We must learn about who we are, and what we are capable of, and above all us, we must learn to love ourselves like nothing else.

Below I have an entry I wrote in my journal that I would like to share with you.

October 20th, 2017

I am so tired of this whole idea that we as humans have limits. We come to earth and in the human body, and we experience limitations from the very start. Mainly with our minds, which controls most everything else we do. We feel our minds are limited and we never bother to learn how they work, or how one could improve it. We actually poison it half the time with alcohol and drugs, not to mention some of the foods we eat. It’s absolutely insane how little credit or care we give to our brains/minds when they are the most incredible instrument in the universe that science has so far discovered. 

If you only knew what your brain was capable of, you would never even think of harming it again. When you start learning about the self, it will become your one and only desire, to learn more and more about yourself, how the mind works, and the power of thought. These subjects will become fascinating to you because your brain is now eager to learn all about what it can do, like an excited child in first grade ready to learn. When you shift your awareness onto your mind and improving it, the mind will flourish and wonderful things will begin to happen. 

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I was writing about the mind because I believe it is a big part of the self. If we can put our awareness on ourselves instead of on Facebook, or what someone else is doing, or on the television, your mind literally lights up like an excited child who wants to learn everything he can. Your brain will turn into a sponge, learning all the information it needs to achieve the goal you have given it, which is that you want to learn as much as you can regarding yourself.

You know deep inside that you are here for far greater things than what you have been programmed since childhood to believe. You are full of potential, and it breaks my heart when people think of themselves as just a useless human being not capable of anything, because I know how amazing human beings are, and now we are living in a very special time for the planet where we are becoming more and more conscious of who we are, which means that there will be tremendous changes in the next years, we have no idea what wonderful things will be created by people just like you who have realized who they are. Times are changing, and we have all the information we could ever dream of right at our fingertips, its time to remember who you are, and what you are here for.

Below are important tips I have found useful during my journey to self-discovery, remember to keep in mind that everyone’s journey is different, but we are all human beings, and we tend to all have very similar thoughts towards the unknown.

  1. Embrace change and the unknown. Life is many different cycles, some are big and some are small. Like the seasons changing, your life will also change and you need to be willing to embrace that change because forcing something to stay the same has never worked for very long. If you can understand that life is always changing, you will be better willing to accept that you are also changing. There is no rulebook stating that you need to remain the person you are right now reading this, you can and should strive to improve yourself.
  2. Stay in the present as much as you can because that is all there is. I know this one is very hard to grasp for most people. It was a process for myself to stop thinking about the past, and worrying about the future and I do sometimes have to catch myself and think just be right here in this moment. If you can learn to just trust the quiet voice inside to guide your life, you will be surprised by how well your life turns out without you even trying, or thinking about it. Your intuition knows what is best and wants to guide you to a wonderful life, but you need to listen to it. So be present in the moment, quiet your thoughts and listen to what it tells you. This will take time, meditation helps greatly, but just know that this won’t happen in a single day.
  3. Love yourself. I can’t stress this one enough because it is so profoundly important for you to do. I remember when I first started my journey, and I kept seeing that sentence everywhere I turned, “love yourself.” I remember not knowing why that would be such an important aspect, but now that I actually can honestly say I love myself, I feel like I have so much more belief in myself than ever before, which of course allows me to succeed at everything I want to achieve in life. If I didn’t love myself, there would be no way I could do some of the things I do now, simply because I wouldn’t believe in myself.

With that being said, there are so many different ideas you will come across along your journey, and this is just a few tips I have found that has helped me. Writing has definitely helped me to learn more about self, but do what works for you!

Thanks for reading, I hope you can take something away from this post and use it to improve your life 🙂

With Love and Light

Here are a few other posts you might enjoy reading!

My Spiritual Journey

Why you need to believe in yourself

How to overcome and grow from adversity

All it takes is one moment to change your life


My experience dealing with depression


So I thought I would go back in time a little here, and talk about my experience dealing with depression because back in 2011-2014 I was very depressed, and I had no idea I was experiencing that at the time. I didn’t actually realize that I was depressed at all… I thought that this was just a normal feeling to have in life.

Sure I was experiencing suicidal thoughts, extreme uselessness, and complete unworthiness at the time, but doesn’t everyone feel that way? Isn’t that just normal?

But can you blame me for feeling this way?

Depression is a very common thing to suffer from nowadays, what with everything going on in the world, how can one not feel depressed after watching the news, reading the newspapers, or even listening to a concerned friend talk about something bad that happened, could lead one to feel quite fearful. Depression is when you are locked in the past, and you no longer see any sort of future for yourself. You have a hard time getting up each day because ‘Well, whats the point?’ Your life is slowly becoming exactly what you didn’t want, the exact opposite of the dreams you had as a child, and more often than not we have no idea how to make it better.

We come into the real world with hopes, and goals, and dreams. We are positive and excited to start a life for yourself. Well, that was me anyway, I graduated high school, and choose to take a year off because I wanted to travel and do all this fun and exciting stuff, I believed in real-world education and to be honest, I didn’t believe in the school system anyways. I would go back to school if the real world didn’t work out for me the way I expected…

I didn’t end up doing any traveling after all, and I did end up going back to school for one year to study psychology, but I ended up failing almost every class and racking up over $10000 of debt in a single year. From there I realized I would need to work a job full time to pay this off, and so that’s what I did. But it seemed that despite my best efforts I was going backward each month, and my life slowly started to spiral out of control. Then to top it all off, my mother passed away suddenly, and at the age of 20, I was planning my mothers funeral… Life was not turning out the way I had expected it too, it felt like it was completely out of my control, I couldn’t see the reason all these bad things were happening to me, and I started to slowly become depressed.

Life was not turning out the way I had expected it too, it felt like it was completely out of my control, I couldn’t see the reason all these bad things were happening to me, I felt angry, and hurt, and I ended up turning my back on God, universe, higher power, source energy (whatever you wanna name it) and from there I started to slowly become more and more hopeless and depressed.

We all come into the real world after we get educated, excited to make a life for ourselves and to see all our dreams come true, but then all of that gets crushed slowly over time. We sometimes don’t even realize it’s happening, and we just keep pressing forward on the path that we know isn’t leading us to our dream life, but we do it to keep the others happy, as it is after all, what we are told to do, so we better keep doing it no matter how soul-crushing it is.

I felt like this life I had dreamt of for myself, was being ripped away from me right under my nose, and there was nothing I could do to get it back together. My bills were piling up, I was behind on all my payments, my car was about to get repossessed, my credit score was going down despite my sincere efforts to keep it in good standing, I even considered filing for bankruptcy because my credit card was at like $2500 which I thought was really high at the time… The real world was completely fucking me, and there was nothing I could do.  I had absolutely no hope for the future, as a matter of fact, I couldn’t even see the future as a possibility, I felt my life was over at the age of 22. I actually thought I was dying or I would die soon, or that the world would end in some catastrophic event… I was living in complete fear with no hope for the future, so what was the point of doing anything beneficial that would help my future self?

My days were long, sad and unproductive during that time. I became more and more nocturnal by the day, and I barely ever left the house. I worked only 1-2 times per week because that was all I could actually handle. I had no motivation to do anything, no self-esteem to communicate with others, and no confidence in myself at all. I was extremely shy, I didn’t like talking to people, and I felt people were constantly judging me all the time, and also I cared so much about what others thought of me.

So I went into hiding. It was easier than facing my self, and my problems. So I cut out all my friends and family from my life. Afterall, I was independent, I didn’t need anyone anyways, I was strong on my own.

My daily routine consisted of getting up around 4 or 5 in the afternoon,  it was the middle of winter too, so by 5pm it was already dark, I had missed any form of sunlight completely. I would get dressed and either go to the grocery store and spend at least $20 on food just for that day, or I would go to the Wendy’s/Tim Hortons by my place, buy a large ice cap as well as a full meal deal from Wendy’s.

Then I would go home and eat. That would be my only outing for the day. I would sit at home for the rest of the day, usually from 5 or 6pm onward never leaving the house again. I would eat and eat and eat because it was the only thing that made me feel temporarily content. I would normally just eat one big meal each day, and then snack the rest of the time. It was an extremely unhealthy way to live, but I didn’t really care.

It didn’t really matter the time of year it was either, I would justify coming home early each day in summer too by blaming the heat for bringing me inside on a nice summer night. I would race home usually from work or something at 5-6pm every single day just so I could play world of warcraft! It was fun and overall ended up being a good experience playing WOW because I did reach my end goal, I also gained a ton of people skills while playing it, as well as great leadership skills.

That was probably my one ray of hope while going through this depression, was playing the game. As crazy as that sounds, having a raid to look forward to at the end of your day was fun and exciting! I couldn’t wait to go home and play the game and hang out with my gaming friends… (Some of whom I actually ended up meeting on a couple trips I went on back in 2014 which was when I was finally winning the battle over my depression… )

But I also found snacking to be a pretty common thing to do while raiding. So I would always have a few snacks and drinks around me.

I gained about 30 pounds during this 2 year period, and since I didn’t own a scale it sorta just kept creeping up without me even realizing it.

I would just sit at my computer all night, while snacking and playing World of Warcraft, till the wee hours of the morning. I would go to sleep as late as possible, sometimes at 7am, I would finally be going to sleep. Then I would sleep all day, wake up and do it all over again. It’s like I was sleepwalking my life away.

My mind was so numb, I was like in a hypnotized state of being that I can hardly remember. Maybe I have suppressed those days from my memory because of how awful they were because I swear two years passed, and I can’t recall even a single good day I had.


I will tell you though, I did end up snapping out of my depression, but I do believe it was due to divine intervention that caused it, and not my friends or family telling me to simply “snap out of it.”

At the time I was going through this depression, I had turned my back on God because, in my mind, I had created the story that he was single-handedly ruining my entire life, and I couldn’t see how what he had planned that one day this would all make sense, and how all this shit that was happening in my life was all in divine order”

I had been told so many other lies growing up in my youth, oh like how a fat man rides in a sleigh carried by reindeers to every single house on earth, one evening of the year with presents for all the children… Or how the Easter bunny and tooth fairy exist…

Maybe this whole God thing was also just a big fat lie we are told to keep the people behaving themselves and make us scared of doing bad things so we don’t go to hell.

So sure, I had turned my back on God because I was angry and hurt, and I lost all faith in life itself. Thus by doing so led me deeper and deeper into this dark tunnel of despair and depression.

I felt completely hopeless. My life felt over and it hadn’t even begun yet.

There was this one day though, I remember it very well because it was the day that lit that spark in my belly again, even though it was very faint at the time. I still felt it was there.

I went shopping that day because at that time in my life I was into material possessions, which would bring me a very brief moment of happiness. I decided to try on some new clothes, and after trying them all on, and taking pictures, I realized that they all looked so bad on me because I had gained so much weight… I realized that day, how much I hated myself, and who I was becoming…

Here is a picture I took that day that clearly opened my eyes to what I was becoming… I dunno why, but trying on all those clothes, and realizing how bad every outfit looked on me kinda opened my eyes. I didn’t want to be seen this way. I didn’t want to be this way anymore.

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The icing on the cake for me was when I saw these two pictures below, and that was it for me. I was done feeling and living this way any longer.

I have always been chubbier growing up, it is just who I am, and I’ve learned to love that part of me now, but this was the heaviest that I had ever been in my entire life and I knew that I needed to make a big change.

Shortly after this photo was taken, there was this one night that I went through, which I now call the dark night of my soul, but at the time I guess it was me hitting rock bottom. I remember I was lying on my floor crying desperately in my lonely basement living room, feeling utterly sorry for myself.

All of a sudden I heard a voice and it said:

“Alright Lindsay you are 22 now, you still have 3/4 of your life left. Are you going to die with your mom and do absolutely nothing with your life and be sad and depressed forever, or are you going to make a change and start working towards being that great version that you know you can be?”

Then I was immediately shown two visions. One was me at 40 years old continuing on this current self-degrading path I was on. I was extremely overweight, I lived alone with quite a few cats, (yes I was a crazy cat lady) it was clear that I barely ever left the house. You know that Simpson episode where homer wears the MooMoo? That’s the image I got, but it was me wearing the MooMoo sitting around my house eating junk food all day feeling depressed, lonely and sad.


So then, I saw a vision of my life if I started working on myself, and my personal development, and boy was I ever in love! I saw this stunning version of me, that was beaming with happiness and love. She clearly was full of life and wonder, and had figured out the secrets to life. She was healthy, happy, and abundant.

I was hooked, I knew from that moment on, that no matter what, I had to work towards that wonderful version of myself. I couldn’t become that sad and depressed self. No, no, no…  I had hope again for the future, my eyes were seeing clearly again, and I could see the future, and boy was it ever looking wonderful!

I didn’t care how long it would take, I knew it would be a long journey, but I was willing to give it my all, and above everything, I was never going to give up on becoming this vision, because the alternative was just not acceptable to me.

So I started on the path to personal growth and development, and above all learning to love myself, which hasn’t always been easy, but I have never looked back, and I would never go back to the life I was living. You couldn’t pay me enough to go back to that life I was living.

I had this awakening 4 years ago now, and I have now become that person I had envisioned long ago, it’s absolutely unbelievable! Words cannot even begin to describe the happiness I feel now on a daily basis. I realized how wonderfully extraordinary I am, and how I can actually do anything that I set my mind too. I love myself more than I ever thought was possible, and I have a very clear vision of the future.

I now have a new vision of myself and who I am becoming, but I won’t share with you now, because even I am a little awestruck by her, and again cant really put it into words at the present moment.  I don’t doubt, however, that one day I will become that version.

I am in fact creating my greatest version every single day.

I lost two full years of my life to depression, and while I am extremely grateful I was able to get out of it when I did and decide not to continue living my life that way, it really is something that so many people are struggling with, and may not even realize they are, I know I sure didn’t…

Depression seriously sucks… You feel like your life doesn’t matter and that if you were to die tomorrow, no one would even care, the world would just carry on like you didn’t matter, which must be why so many people commit suicide each year.

I read a stat the other day stating that 800 000 people commit suicide every year.

That number is mind-boggling to me…

That is higher than war and natural disasters combined kill each year! So why do so many people still think depression isn’t a real issue?

“oh it’s just a phase, they will snap out of it eventually,” They all say, not understanding the implications behind it.

Depression is a serious killer and we should be paying more attention to it. It is a mental illness and it shouldnt go unnoticed. Why are so many people depressed? What is going on that is causing this?

I know for my generation, which is the Millenials mostly, we do feel hopeless towards the future. We watch the news and see all the terror, wars, disease, starvation, pain and suffering, and we dont know what to do to help. We know we want to do something, we all want to change the world, to make an impact, to change someone’s life for the better, to simply be a good human being…

But where do we even begin?

And if our own self-limiting beliefs and thoughts weren’t sabotaging us enough, we have to endure the rest of society telling us what we can and cant do in life. We are brainwashed into believing we are stupid and unworthy, we are not pretty enough, not smart enough, not good enough to do the things we long for in life.

We live in fear, too scared to break out from the hold the rest of society has on us, and do the one thing that makes our hearts sing.

That one thing you would do no matter what, even if you didn’t get paid for it, you would still do because you love it, it makes you very happy… This is called your passion in life.. And every single one of us has passions, and talents, and gifts to share to the world. Even those of you who think “I don’t have anything to offer.” Trust me, I felt the exact same way, and I want you to know that you do have wonderful talents and gifts to offer the world, you simply haven’t discovered them yet, which is probably why you are feeling hopeless or depressed.

Well I am here to tell you that you are all of this and more. You are perfect, and you are capable of living a wonderful life. Dont let depression win. You have to make a stand for yourself, or else it will consume you, and your life. You must find hope again. Believe in yourself, and trust that everything has a funny way of working themselves out, but realize they always somehow manage to turn out good in the end.

I look back on my time that I was depressed with acceptance, knowing that it was a phase of my life that I needed to go through for reasons that are now a deep knowledge of understanding as to why in my heart. It was an experience that I needed to have to become the person I am now today. Although going through it is not easy, and it is most likely going to be one of the hardest things you may ever experience in life, but try to see the light at the end of the tunnel, it may be faint, but its there. Just knowing that it is there, there is hope for you, after all, could be the one thing that keeps you going when things are the darkest.

Remember that there is always a sunrise, even after the darkest of nights. Meaning that even if your life is dark now, it won’t always be this way, trust that the sun will shine again, and you will find happiness again. Don’t give up on yourself, you can find the light again.

Also please stop listening to and caring about what others think, and start to find your own truth for your life. You can and do create your own reality whether you realize this or not. Most of us simply don’t realize we are doing it, which is why our lives never turn out the way we hoped… I have now taken a much more conscious approach to the concept of creating my own reality, and I have now come to understand that I can have, be or do anything that I want… You have to realize what life means to you, who are you? Why are you here? What is your purpose for being here? Asking yourself these questions will help you design for yourself your ideal life…

You have to realize what life means to you… Who are you? Why are you here? What is your purpose for being here? Asking yourself these questions will help you design for yourself your ideal life… You must get to know yourself first before you do anything else. Afterall, you’re going to be with yourself for the next countless years, so you may as well get to know who you are…

I wrote a post on the importance of getting to know yourself, which I find to be one of the most important things we should do with our lives… Please give it a read if you are interested!

Meditation will help you do this, but you need to allow yourself the time to simply sit and be quiet so you can listen to your higher self speak. You won’t know what you want to accomplish in life without quieting the egoic mind and listening to that quiet voice that wants you to live the greatest life imaginable!  (Meditation is hard for most because when we sit and try to quiet our minds, our ego hates that because it wants to be seen and heard and acknowledged so it will try to throw a tantrum saying all the things we should be doing instead of meditation. Just knowing this and saying “this will only take 10 mins and then you can come back out”, to your ego, will usually help to help quiet the mind)

You must also learn to have grace with yourself, and forgive yourself if you make mistakes because we are human, we are no doubt going to make mistakes in life, so simply forgive yourself when you do and move along.

Depression is serious, but it can be defeated, think of it like an inner battle you are having, and have the courage to overcome it. You don’t need to ingest medications, although I did for two years and it did help at the time, now I am off them and I feel even better than before. Just know that you have everything already in you that you need to overcome this battle, just trust in yourself and know that you are powerful beyond measure.



Other posts you might like to read:

How to overcome and grow from adversity

All it takes is one moment to change your life

Why you need to believe in yourself

Ps. this is a more recent photo of me so you can see the difference a few years can have! IMG_1980.JPG