“When the ego dies, the soul awakes” -Mahatma Gandhi.
So I haven’t posted on my blog site now for a while, and at one point I even considered scrapping it completely. You see, I’ve been battling with my ego for a while now, and it was trying to convince me that I couldn’t do this, that I wouldn’t succeed at writing this blog, and I should just give up… I’m wiser than that now and decided not to listen to my ego and instead went off of what my soul wanted to do, and the soul wants me to keep the blog and to continue writing about matters I find important, so that’s what I’ll do. I know who has my best interests at heart now, and it certainly isn’t my ego.
The path I would like to take with my blog is the theme I have been thinking about for awhile, which will be my path to self-discovery. It will focus on my own experiences on my own path to self-discovery, which is in my honest opinion one of the greatest journeys one can and should take in life. During this journey, you will learn so much about yourself, and you will learn a pretty vast sea of knowledge and gain the wisdom of the universe. Seriously, this is some very powerful stuff I am talking about here. The self is the most fascinating journey one will ever go on, and I have been on it for a few years now, I don’t really know the exact day I decided to learn everything I possibly could about myself, but I do remember intentionally stating that I would spend as much time as I could to learn about myself, and my mind. I’ve always been intrigued by the mind and how it works.
On this journey I have encountered many challenges, and road bumps, it definitely hasn’t been the smoothest journey, but I have learned a great deal in my life so far, and now that I am more intently focused on learning about myself even more than before, it seems to be flourishing. When you focus on a child, the child does better knowing that you’re watching. So the same thing happens when you start to focus on yourself, and I can’t even explain how much you will want to improve yourself and the rest of your life… But more on self-discovery another time!
I want to share with you something that has happened to me over the last few weeks. I have been absolutely terrified to share some of my deeper posts because my ego was getting in the way, making me worried about what other people would think about what I had to say.
I went from being terrified one month ago, to here in the present moment, where I can post some writings I never once thought I would post. Below are some of my personal writings, but I feel compelled to share them with you. These are entries I wrote in my journal that help me keep tabs on what I am experiencing each day because I am growing a lot and its hard to keep up sometimes with what I learn each day, and this ego fading is what I have been undergoing over the last few weeks.
September 24th, 2017
I have been struggling lately, over the past couple of weeks, over a battle with my ego. As it would seem, my ego is who I think I am. My first and last name, my experiences, the person I think that I am, and who everyone else thinks I am.
It’s not that I don’t care about others, I do deeply. Its that I don’t care what others think of me, or at least I don’t want to. But whenever I try to get out of this damn social trap I am caught in, my ego sucks me back in reminding me about how much I crave the approval from others.
I have been struggling to write on this blog lately because of this very fact. I am getting more and more traffic now coming to my site, which means people are actually reading my stuff, which absolutely terrifies me, and I don’t know why. I actually have always been fearful of that, other people reading my work, which is kinda silly since I do have a blog which is public to anyone and everyone to see it., and a big dream of mine is to be an author.
“But how can you be an author if you’re scared of people reading your book?” My ego points out.
Writing my thoughts out for the world to see is far too terrifying. I could never do that. I don’t think I could be a writer. But I feel like this is what I need to do in life. Ugh, the conflict!
If you saw how many drafts I had going on of stuff I have written previously and is now collecting dust in the “draft area” of my site, you would either laugh at me or feel plain bad for me.
I just can’t bring myself to post some of this stuff I write about, and I dunno why. Why am I so scared to put my writing out there?
Even when I look back on my very first blog post, it is extremely evident that I was nervous about posting it… Every single post I have ever posted I have been nervous, some of which I quickly remove immediately after anyway… I want to be a writer, yet I am terrified of people reading my work. This doesn’t seem like a very good fit.
So I realize that this is an issue I have, and I do need to work through it because I do feel like this is part of my life purpose, to write out some of the stuff I know in order to help share my knowledge with others, and I really can’t do that if I am scared to share my work…
I need to get over this ego issue because it is quite silly if you ask me, constantly worried about what other people are thinking of me, worried about their approval, which they don’t even know the real me anyway, so what does it matter what they think of me?
I have been doing my best to not plan my life out for a while now when I realized that no matter what I would plan out, nothing ever happened in the way I expected. So I just decided to quit planning and trust that the universe, AKA the same force that guides the stars, guides my life as well, and knows whats best for me.
It’s a scary thing to do, the transition from being in control of our lives to let go of our expectations and attachments and truly allowing the universe to take over. It has been a scary journey but boy has it ever been amazing.
What I learned last night is life changing. Its like, wow, every day that passes I realize more and more what I am truly capable of. What I can accomplish in this lifetime. Who I can become and the impact I can have on others. The challenging part is who to listen to. There are different parts of you that you may or may not be aware of, but they are there regardless and want to give you feedback on how to live your life.
One voice is your ego. He/she is there mostly always, he never rests, and even when it is time to rest, your ego doesn’t want to go to bed because he has lots of stuff to do and say. He is pretty loud and annoying, he wants attention, he wants to be seen and heard. Most people listen to this voice without giving it a second thought, but the issue here is this voice can be extremely negative and will create negative beliefs and patterns in your brain, it has been led to believe that it lives in a hostile universe. We must question everything the ego tells us to do, knowing exactly what it is after, which doesn’t have our highest self in mind. The only resource your ego has to work with is our memories, so it will pull information out from the past and remind you as to why you should or shouldn’t do something. weight loss goals can be sabotaged very easily by the ego because it will tell you all the reasons (from past memories) of why you won’t succeed, like you’re a comfort eater, or you feel terrible at the gym, so you end up quitting. The ego is the voice that lives in fear, and we’ve asked to move in.
The second voice we can choose to listen to, call it whatever, intuition, inspiration, the divine, God, it can come in various names. This voice is the quiet part of you that most of us fail to even notice is there. There is a reason why meditation is such a powerful tool. It helps to quiet the ego so that we can listen to the quiet voice within that only wants whats best for us. When you begin to listen to inspiration over memory/ego wonderful things begin to happen, it’s extraordinary what starts popping into your life when you allow it.
Your life truly begins to take off when you quit listening to the ego, and instead, listen to the Divine, let go of expectation or attachment to any result or outcome and let the universe guide you. And above all, love yourself like there is nothing else.
So it has been one month now since I started to really focus on my ego, and what it was, and all the things it was telling me to do., something of which I hadn’t really done much of in the past, but the ego seemed to be getting more and more in the way, so I started to focus my awareness on it. What an interesting ride this has been, I have actually been working on my ego, and it seems like I’ve done a good job at quieting it!
I have been doing more meditation and yoga lately, and it has really helped me to distinguish the different voices within and to know what my ego is even concerned with so I can help work on those aspects… It feels like my ego has slowly been diminishing over the last few weeks, and each day I become more and more confident, and more in love with myself than ever before. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders and Now I am free of worry, anxiety, approval of others, fear of the unknown, I am sure I could go on, but you get the idea.
My mind is clear and focused like never before. I have actually been writing more than ever before and pursuing my lifelong dream of writing a book, specifically a book about the story of my life, which has been a very interesting journey so far, and I have learned so much already and it’s only just the beginning.
I’ve never received so much inspiration in my life as I am right now, I believe with a full heart that it is because I have quieted my ego and finally started to listen to the voice within.
I don’t feel like I will ever completely get rid of my ego, that is an extremely hard thing to do that would take many years of practice, but I do believe that I now am in the drivers seat of my life for the first time, and my ego is riding in the backseat where it should be, and I can take advice from her if I feel the need, but for the most part I listen to my soul. I feel like I can now post freely on any topics I feel inspired to write about, without my ego getting in the way and sabotaging me.
The fact that I am brave enough to post this, which is my own personal reflections, shows myself that I am letting go of what the ego is worried about, and a big worry for the ego is what others will think of you, which does prevent a lot of people from going after their dreams in life because they are concerned about what others will think. We get caught in this illusion our ego creates about what life is and who we are, that we really do believe it, never reaching for more in life because we have convinced ourselves that we are nothing more than what our egos believe. This illusion prevents us from living our grandest life because we get trapped in this fear mindset which is where the ego lives… And we are his roommate that does everything he asks without question, and well continue to do this up until we start focusing in on what he is asking from us and why, then going from there.
I used to write and think to myself, I don’t even know why I bother writing. There is no way I would ever be able to share some of my stuff on the internet with anyone and everyone able to read it. I used to look at others who were accomplishing so much in life and wish I could do the same thing, but I thought I would never have the courage to do any of that.
But now I feel free and able to do anything I want. My potential has finally been revealed to me, and its a truly beautiful thing. We are capable of so much more than we think we are, and we fail to realize this because we let the ego run the show, who never allows us to experience the magic in the present moment, and the ego doesn’t want you doing anything that could cause you to feel guilty, shameful, rejected, fearful, and so it tries to keeps you safe and secure living a very limited life of mediocracy.
Your life is up to you and you only, and one of the first steps to improving your life is to figure out who you are, go on the journey of self-discovery and you will truly be amazed at what you find out about yourself, and what you are capable of.
Please take a look at my other post if you want to learn more about
getting to know yourself:
I feel I am finally free to do what I came to earth to do, which I have figured out is to write and share my message, which I am beginning to understand clearer and clearer each day. I feel I can finally write about any topic I wish, no matter how crazy it may seem, and I will be able to actually share it because my ego won’t stop me! Well, it might still try, but I hope I will continue to win the fight!
Please feel free to leave me comments about your experiences with your own egos!
Thanks for reading 🙂
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