The Decision to Move
Back in June 2015, I made the decision on quite the whim to move myself to Vancouver Canada.
Before I made the quick, and slightly irrational decision to move here, I actually went to Vancouver for my very first solo trip. At the time, I was scared of everything, however, I knew that I wanted to travel the world one day, even if that meant going alone. So I figured I would start with somewhere easy… Like Vancouver.
Read about that experience here:
My experience the first time I solo traveled
But I will explain it quickly here:
Back in that time of my life (spring 2015), I had pretty extreme anxiety. I didn’t sleep most nights, which was taking a big toll on my ability to accomplish anything awesome. So instead of sleeping, I would lie in bed in this trance-like state and my mind would go completely wild, just being scared of the things that MIGHT happen. Anxieties filled my mind all the time, I always thought about what could and would go wrong in anything I did or tried to do, I would think of worst case scenario type events too, like my house burning down, or the world ending…You know, just normal terrible events.
It was not a very good time for me at all. However, I didn’t think that anything was wrong with me at the time. I basically just put up with it the best that I could. Countless sleepless nights, and scared that the world would end soon. (However, looking back I wish I would have asked for help a lot sooner, my life has been so much better once I asked for help. )
So what was even more strange is that while I was on this trip in Vancouver, I decided that this was just the perfect place for me to move and that I needed to go home to Calgary and pack up everything I thought I would need, and get rid of the rest, and move to Vancouver as soon as possible. So I gave myself 1 month to do everything I needed to do back in my hometown of Calgary, and then I was going to move to this gorgeous city.
This would be such an amazing time! I told myself. I wasn’t even scared like I was for my solo trip. Nothing anyone would say would have deterred me from my decision to move there either, although they tried. Saying it rained a lot was their main argument. But my counter argument was yeah, that’s fine, I’d take rain over -30 blizzards any day of the week!
So I donated, sold, or threw out about 90% of my stuff, making me realize how much crap I had bought over the years. I donated 8 full garbage bags of clothes, which literally blew my mind… How the hell did I acquire so much stuff!? What killed me the most was when I found clothes that still had the tags on them, never once worn brand new clothing I spent $40 or more on. I made an agreement that I wouldn’t buy any more new stuff for a very long time after this eye-opening experience.
The Big Move
Less than one month after I arrived home from my solo trip to Vancouver, I was saying goodbye to my family and friends in Calgary, my car was all packed up with all the stuff I thought I would need, and off I went into what would be quite the adventure of a lifetime… Little did I know what was ahead of me.
The drive from Calgary to Vancouver is about 14 hours give or take. I decided to take my sweet time getting there, so I took a full 2 days to drive there, spending a night in Kamloops.
The drive was beautiful and scenic, all through the mountains. When I got closer to Vancouver, it started turning into farmlands, and fruit fields galore, but it wasn’t like Alberta prairie farmlands, these ones were surrounded by gorgeous mountains. I felt like I had died and gone to heaven, I couldn’t believe the extraordinary beauty of this place.
It was funny because while I was on this adventure to my new home in Vancouver, I kept thinking, man one day this is going to be a great story to tell one day, no matter how it turns out… I didn’t know what would happen at the time I thought this since it was the beginning chapter of this new story I was now creating, but I just somehow knew I would one day share this experience with others. I felt like I was going on an epic adventure, and I was the star of my story. This would one day become one of the greatest stories I ever told.
When I finally arrived in Vancouver, this was the site I was greeted with… Traffic! Welcome, home I thought.
I was faced with a couple minor hurdles, I needed to A. Navigate my way through downtown Vancouver in rush hour traffic B. I needed to find my new place (I was renting a room off Kijiji) C. I would need to unload my car in a timely fashion into my new place and D. I would then need to go find somewhere to park my car (which would end up costing me $300/ Month)
I had saved up about $3000 before I moved, which I felt pretty comfortable with, and wasn’t too worried about making more money since I figured I would have no trouble getting a job. However, due to the unexpected crazy expenses, I didn’t really think about, my money started to go pretty quick.
I settled into my new place comfortably, I liked the view, and it was in a great location about 10 minutes away from the ocean. I stayed in this place for 1 month, until I found out our lease was ending (which they failed to mention in the ad) and I would have to find another room to rent eventually.
I think it was my second or third night into this first new place, I was staying with 3 or 4 other roommates in this really crappy apartment building in the west end of Vancouver and there always seemed to be a party going on somewhere in the building. Never my own apartment, Thank God. Except on my second night, I swear I heard a gunshot outside, and then not too long after it seriously sounded like someone was trying to break into my front door. I lay in bed frozen, not sure what to do, this had never happened in Calgary… I was extremely scared, I thought I was about to be shot or something!
Turns out the person “breaking in” was just my drunk roommate coming home at 2 am from a bar, which in hindsight I should have suspected that, but my anxiety-riddled mind came up with much crazier scenarios than that…
The honeymoon phase
For the first two weeks, I was in the honeymoon phase, everything was new and exciting, and I wanted to just soak it all in, I didn’t look for a job right away. I wanted to enjoy being unemployed for a while and have a super awesome time in Vancouver. So I went out exploring almost every day instead. Vancouver was so freaking amazing, so much cool stuff to see and do! From simply looking at how awesome the buildings are around downtown and all the amazing condo buildings I would love to live in, to walking along the seawall in Stanley Park, to taking a ride on a seaplane. There is seriously so much to do in Vancouver, and I cannot wait to go back one day with money!
I also had never been so close to a cruise ship before, and I imagined myself one-day boarding one to go on an epic cruise experience. This was something I would never see back home in Calgary, but here in Vancouver, it was just normal life for them!
I spent my first week in Vancouver happily exploring this new city. I would walk about 20000 steps daily, I barely used my car at all since it was kinda pointless. So off I went every day to see the sites. There was one day that I spent an entire day at Stanley Park, walking around the entire seawall in the morning, and then hanging out at the beach with a lunch I packed, soaking in the sun. I haven’t swum in the ocean in my entire life, even to this day writing this I haven’t, but I wanted to go out into the water that day. So I just slowly started wading out, I got to just above my knees when I decided to turn back to shore.
I ended my day with a stop at the Safeway to pick up something for dinner, where I realized I had a huge sunburn since I apparently don’t know how to use sunscreen…Sunburn and all still was an amazing day!
My new friend!
Now, remember the Airbnb host that I went exploring with on my My first solo trip? John? Well he and I started hanging out pretty often, not in the sexual relationship type way, we both actually had the same (interest towards men haha?) So we would meet up and go out for dinner, and then go bar hopping enjoying fancy beverages along the way. I seriously went to the nicest bars I’ve ever been in while I lived in Vancouver. I got to know where was good to go to the famous Gastown area, and I had some of the best meals and drinks of my life while I was there. I miss that actually, just having someone who was always down to go for dinner and drinks. He was great to hang out with, and I hope I can go visit again soon…. (ah wanderlust is starting to grow stronger)
During my first week, I decided to take my car and go up drive along the coast up to Whistler again. I had a lovely drive up, reminiscing about the last time I drove this way with John on my first trip to Vancouver, I had a nice day by myself, as I usually don’t have a problem doing things alone, although I was starting to feel lonely, I really wanted someone to share this experience with…I wanted a companion. Which is when I decided to get online dating again, which is where I would eventually meet Raj.
Raj and I sorta dated while I was living in Vancouver, but it wasn’t official or anything, and we had no clear plans of making it permanent in the future. He was just kind of my FWB while I was there. Sure we went out, actually on our first date I had a great time with him, we went for dinner and drinks at this cool little Mexican place (pic below), and then we went for a long walk and he showed me where he works, and then we walked up along the coastline on Kitsilano beach. From there we sat on a log and watched the stars and listened to the waves crashing on the beach. I remember thinking, this would be the perfect spot for him to kiss me. Which he didn’t. 😦
but he told me later he wished he had.
He took this picture of me on our first date, and I still laugh every time I see it. Like what was I doing???? I am still unsure why he wanted to see me again.. 😛
So we started casually dating after that first night, and often our dates always included drinking alcoholic beverages in one way or another. Usually, we would just drink at his place and order in takeout and watch shows, or we would go to the neighborhood bar, but one time he actually invited me out clubbing with him and some of his friends! So being an experience I wanted to have, I forced myself out of the safety of my room to go to this club, even though I actually hate those environments, but I also wanted to have the experience of clubbing. Thankfully, I was not let down once I arrived. I had some drinks, danced provocatively with Raj, we kissed, and we went home together, talking comfortably the entire way, and stopping for fast food. It was all in all good clubbing night. After that night, he went on vacation for like one week, and then I went house boating, and it was just not the same when he came back, something changed between us and we didn’t hang out nearly as much as we used to.
Raj and I came to an official end when I told him I was going back to Calgary. I remember he seemed sort of sad, but I do know I asked him if we would have ever actually had a relationship. But before he could answer, I changed my mind and said I didn’t want to know. I’ve heard from him a couple of times since then, just to see how I was doing.
Money and finding work
Okay, so back to the whole money situation. Eventually, I needed to start thinking about getting a job, as my money was going much faster than I expect it too. So after about a week or two of exploring I set out to find a job. I work as a server currently in the restaurant industry and have been doing so for 4 years at the time. So thinking this would be an easy task being in Vancouver and all, I wasn’t too worried finding one, so it took me a fair bit of time just to work up the courage to go into a restaurant and give them my resume. Yes… this was a big problem for me. I remember at the time I could only go into 1-2 restaurants a day before feeling rejected and having to go home to regenerate my worthiness to go continue applying. I had a massive self-image and self-confidence issue going on inside.
So after a few days of doing this, and no one seemed like they were hiring at all, is when I started to panic. It was almost July after all, all the restaurants do seem to get their summer hiring out of the way much earlier than this, why couldn’t I have come earlier! So I started to worry that I wasn’t going to find a job. Well, not a “good job” anyways. I sure I can get something, even if that means earning minimum wage again… No, I couldn’t do that, I needed to serve.
I ended up thankfully getting a job at ‘the white spot’, where I was literally worked off my ass and paid absolute shit, not a cent more than minimum wage. But I was utterly desperate to make this move work, and that meant I needed to make money, no matter what I did.
The worst part is Whitespot wouldn’t even let me serve right away. They told me 3 weeks of hosting before I could move up to serving, which is absolutely the worst thing you can tell someone who has served for 3 years already, that she has to be a “glorified bus girl” working for $50 tips every 2 weeks, when she’s used to making $100 tips a shift.
But it was the only job I had, so I went with it, hoping I could be super awesome and they will put me on as s server right away…. Well, that didn’t happen. I was a damn bus girl at a super busy, kid and tourist filled restaurant in downtown Vancouver. It sucked… ALOT.
The first day they actually let me serve a section and make tips, was on the infamous “pirate pack day.” It was literally the worst work day I think I had ever had in my life. I worked for 13hrs straight, without a single break, With a 4 table section (hardly enough to be ever busy or make very good tips) When I did my cashout at the end of the day, I had made $150 in tips in 13 hours. That was shit. I used to make $150 in 6 hours at my previous job, less than half of this shift. And I remember, my coworkers were all like “wow! You made soooooo much money!”
So if this was what sooooo much money looked like to people in Vancouver, then this was not looking good for me at all…
…What if I had to move home because I go broke? What are my friends gonna say if I came home not even 2 months after I made this big deal about me leaving, I bet they will laugh at me, and I will feel like a failure. No, my ego couldn’t handle that, I needed to make this work somehow.
The month of problems
After the initial honeymoon phase of a new place, person or thing starts to wear off, you begin to sink back into your normal routine of doing things, and life starts getting problems again.
I think it takes me about 2-3 weeks of having something new in my life, such as a new car, or a new place to live, or I’m visiting a new place before the novelty of it begins to wear off, and you start to go back towards the mundane life.
So things eventually started to get boring in Vancouver, the honeymoon phase was wearing off, I had seen as much as I could with my limited budget, I had to quit going out for dinner and drinks as often, and just sit at home as often as I could since it’s free, and find entertainment there. So I started to write again, and at the time I was set on writing a novel about my life, even though I knew damn well I would never publish it. So every night I wrote. I think I got up to 10000 words on my longest story (this isn’t the first time I wanted to write about my life) but I knew when I was writing it that I would never be happy enough to publish it, so eventually, I just scrapped that idea. I gave up on it once again, on something I know my higher self-wants to do…. And I always come back to it.
Also, remember how I had massive anxiety at the time? With a lot of trouble sleeping? Yes, it was getting worse by the day when I lived in Vancouver. At the beginning it was fine, I kept it calm and under control, but it wasn’t before long that I started having troubles sleeping at night, and so I started to go to bed later and later, with no one to really care how long I slept in each day. So I became depressed in the sense that I felt like nobody needed or cared about me in Vancouver. Whereas I had a lot of connections and people in Calgary that I cared for, here I just felt so empty and profoundly lonely. Sure I had people here in Vancouver, but none of them actually cared one bit about me.
I was also running out of money very quickly, and this was causing me a lot of stress. There was no denying this anymore, I was going broke. Working at the white spot wasn’t gonna cut it, and I would need to fix this problem quickly or I wouldn’t afford rent this month… So when my friends had a houseboat trip planned, I decided I would go (even though I couldn’t afford it) and then after the trip, I would drive my car back to Calgary in a grand attempt to sell it so I could pay this month’s rent. I don’t even know how to sell a car, but this was my solution.
The houseboat trip
So that is what I did, I decided fairly last minute to go on this houseboat trip my good friend had been planning for months. I realized on the day I left for the houseboat that it was drizzling rain outside and that this was the first drop of rain I had seen in Vancouver so far even when so many people warned me about it rained all the time. Then what seemed like the second I left Vancouver downtown, it started to rain, and it rained for most of the drive from Vancouver to the houseboat on the Shuswap lake, which is about 6-hour drive, and my windshield wipers broke at some point, so I had to pull over every few minutes to keep fixing them. I should have turned around, and gone back to Vancouver, but I didn’t. I felt safe, and I knew I would reach my destination, and that it would be beautiful and sunny out when I had arrived.
And it was absolutely gorgeous out when I arrived. The sun was out again, and I was just so happy to be back with my friends again, I felt that feeling of loneliness vanishes during that trip. For something, I didn’t really want to go to it ended up being a blast! And on one particular night on the houseboat, we got some magic mushrooms and did those. For me my experience was pretty good, I laughed the hardest I’ve ever laughed in my life that night, and later I had a pretty profound experience by myself later that night. Basically, the vision was trying to get me to understand how much potential I had. I dunno it was weird… I wish I could remember more of this experience.
(Insert post about houseboat when complete)
Selling my car
When the houseboat trip was over a few days later, I did what I said, and drove my car back to Calgary, and then proceeded to sell it. I ended up selling it to my ex’s new girlfriend which we all became great friends later on. Buy saying goodbye to my favorite car ever was sad. She brought me to Vancouver and back safely, and she was the faster car I’ve ever had, which was fun. I actually only had her for about 4 months before I sold her, making her my shortest time with a car. We so far had the best adventure though!
I took this picture on the day that I sold her to my friend (who still has it btw)
Back home to Vancouver, I go…
Then after a couple of days in Calgary, I was begging someone for a ride to the airport so I could leave Calgary, to fly back to Vancouver, now carless… I haven’t been without a car since I was 16, and now I had to go to this big city where I already felt trapped, and hope that I am okay without a car? Yeah in my dreams, I thought. My anxiety was in full swing once again, becoming stronger and stronger every day.
White spot didn’t help the matter, I was overworked and underpaid by a lot more than I had ever experienced in Calgary. On one day at work, our pop machine broke, so they had me mop up the spraying water going all over the floor, for about 2 full hours. Just continuous mopping. It was just awful. Then on another day, I had two older people tell me that they were traveling to Vancouver to see it before it burned down, two separate people on the same day! The fear of the end of the world was growing stronger, and now I felt completely trapped in this big city that is surrounded by water, with only 2 or 3 bridges that leave downtown, that would back up for 45 minutes in just normal rush hour traffic…
I was becoming scared. After the houseboat and that “mushroom fun,” I began having visions. Where I could vividly see myself in a disaster target zone if I were to stay living in Vancouver. I saw myself trapped up in this apartment building, with no way to leave. The only way I could escape would be to swim across the ocean to Vancouver Island, Which was pretty far btw. But my mind became a hotspot for thinking up all the disaster like stories… So that really didn’t help my situation one bit.
I remember becoming an alcoholic though while I lived in Vancouver, (probably due to the people I was hanging out with as well as this fear of a disaster striking.) So every night I would get drunk. Like by myself most the time, but when I could afford it, or John was buying, I would get drunk in downtown Vancouver and then stumble home late at night. Usually in a taxi, but this one time I remember walking for like 2 kilometers at 2 am to my place back in West Vancouver, but I was in the heart of downtown and I walked! I thought that party scene was a cool experience for sure, but looking back it kinda scares me about how reckless I was being while I lived in Vancouver.
There was this one night, and this is a night I can vividly remember to a certain point…
The dark night
I decided after work to get drunk (nothing unusual this had now become the norm) So I stopped and bought my usual bottle of wine at the liquor store, I was living right by Stanley Park at the time and I could see the ocean from my balcony. It was a lovely view actually, and I fondly remember looking out there that night as the sunset and wondering what else is out there on this beautiful earth?
This is actually my bedroom and living area that was all mine, I spent many hours staring out this window. I wish I had a better picture of the view…
So anyways, back to the night. I had drunk the bottle of wine already, and at this point, I noticed the hard liquor on the floor that I had brought with me from Calgary. “I may as well start to drink these now,” I thought as the night was still young, only 10 pm at the time. So I continued drinking, watching family guy and drawing on myself, yes I was weird and drew fake tattoos all over my body. I still don’t know what I was doing really. I wanted to be badass looking I guess? Not really sure…
I remember, it was 1.45 (this is how aware I was in this memory) I was laying on top of my bed, drunker than I’d been in all my nights out, and my life was completely falling apart.
“My life was going well back home, why did I have to go fuck it all up by moving to Vancouver? I’m broker than a joke, I won’t be able to pay next months rent, I sold my car like a dumbass, you work the shittiest job you have ever had in your life, and you’re hundreds of miles away from your friends.”
“What the fuck am I doing with my life???” I said out loud.
So at about 2 am drunk me got the bright idea for a walk down to the beach.
So I got ready, put my headphones in, and went for a nice leisurely stroll to the ocean, at 2 o’clock in the morning. What the fuck was I thinking!!! I was very keenly aware though, I remember that I found like I was aware of any present dangers that could harm me, but I felt safe knowing that. It was strange because normally I would never do something so daring and bold, I don’t know what I was thinking, but I guess if it was meant to happen.
When I arrived at the beach, which was English bay, a very famous beach in west end Vancouver. In the day it is packed with people, but at night not a soul to be found. I just sat there playing in the sand like a little kid for I dunno how long. Just thinking about my life, reflecting back on my childhood and pondering my place in this world. Why was I here? What led me to this moment in time? I felt like I was better than the person I was currently being, and I knew I needed to make a change.
At one point I got brave and decided to go wade out in the ocean. And I felt my body pull me further and further out until the waves were up to my waist before I turned back towards the shore. Weird thoughts you have when you drink alone and go down to the ocean at night. I felt incredibly small sitting beside the giant mysterious ocean, and yet I felt just as powerful as it. Why did I come to Vancouver, what was the point of this? I questioned myself. I laid in the sand, and asked myself again “what the fuck am I doing here…” I was starting to connect the dots, which I do very often in my life. Everything was starting to make sense to me, why things needed to happen, and why I need to move to Vancouver, and it was in this moment, that I decided that I needed to go home to Calgary, I realized I missed my friends and family too much, and it was where I needed to be.
Anything at all could have happened to me that night. I could have died, or drown out in the ocean, I did feel compelled to go further out than I had ever gone before! But I remember feeling extremely safe the entire evening like nothing could harm me, and if something did I would instinctively know what I needed to do. At the time of this experience, I thought that is just my drunken “invincible” state, but I realized now that this was my inner self/ guidance system, directing me so effortlessly.
And then I remember getting up from the beach and walking home, and I remember walking through the neighborhood, and I was about halfway home when I completely blacked out, not remembering anything else past that one section.
That night I had some pretty profound realizations, one being that my soul purpose was not in Vancouver and it’s been fun being here for this long, and I think I got this “Party girl Lindsay” out of my system for a while, but I evidently needed to go back home.
I woke up the next morning in the same clothes I was wearing the night before, absolutely covered in Sand….
And it seemed like I had hit rock bottom.
So I can only go up from here…
On the night of the great drunken 2 am ocean escapade, 3 things happened:
- I hit rock bottom
- I made a self-realization of who I really wanted to be in life
- and I had a crystal clear vision of what I needed to do next in my life became clear to me all of a sudden, which was that I needed to move back to Calgary.
I awoke the next morning hungover and I was covered in the sand!! It was all over me, and the sheets, and the floor, and some in the bathroom. My roommate was probably pissed. But I didn’t even care because I would be gone from his life soon enough anyway. I decided to get started right away to make plans on how to go back to Calgary.
I had done everything I needed to accomplish in Vancouver, and I had a great experience but it wasn’t where I needed to be anymore, so I needed to figure out a way home. Due to me stupidly selling my car thus not allowing me to simply hop in my car and drive home, I felt somewhat trapped in Vancouver, and that if I didn’t get out as soon as possible I could be trapped for life… Which was utterly terrifying for someone like me, I hate feeling trapped, in jobs, relationships, location… I needed to be a free bird!
The same day that I decided I would move back to Calgary, I decided to tell some of my closest friends back in Calgary, the ones I knew who would be excited that I was coming home. Later that day I dunno what happened, but I absolutely freaked out on my way to work for some reason, and had the most massive panic attack of my life when I arrived at the white spot.
I thought I was dying, it was terrifying. I couldn’t breathe, my heart was racing extremely fast, and I couldn’t stop crying. After being forced to stay there for an hour, they finally let me go home. I remember walking down the streets to my apartment which was about 10 minutes away, and I just couldn’t handle it. I fought to hold back the tears, and when I finally got to my apartment, I just cried. I am not sure what happened, but I don’t remember crying so much in my life, as I did that night.
I think I blacked out after that cause I don’t remember much of that night other than crying.
Oops nope, this was rock bottom.
Climbing out of the hole
The very next day, I started making arrangements to get me out of this hell I had created of Vancouver as soon as I possibly could. I got my old job at the cafe back right away, I eventually quit my job at white spot at the end of the most awful shift ever on pirate pak day, I told my landlord I was going back to Calgary (which he was happy about because he wanted to come home and I was renting his room) and most importantly I started packing as little things as I possibly could.
**In part 1 I talked about how I was only allowed to bring 10% of my original belongings from Calgary when I moved to Vancouver, but now moving back I had to take that original 10% of what I thought I needed and turn it into 2% to bring back to Calgary.
I got rid of almost all of my stuff, except mostly the things that give me memories always seems to make the grade. Old journals, Photo albums, absolutely favorite clothing, favorite books, little nick-knacks and memorabilia from long ago… I got rid of stuff that was expensive, like my computer monitor to make room for the cheap but valuable memory items.
Since then, I don’t buy nearly as much stuff as I used to. I actually started selling and donating a bunch of stuff in the last two months which seems to have built up again over the past 2 years again. It’s quite crazy how many clothes I acquired again… I have donated another couple of bags to the charity.
So anyways, I ended up putting 2 big bins and a duffle bag full of stuff onto a Greyhound bus to have them ship it to Calgary for me, costing about $80 which for the expensive stuff I did take back with me, wasn’t much at all. I think I would have taken more if I had known it would be that cheap. I stuffed the remainder of what I needed to bring in my suitcase and waited that day for 7 pm to roll around which is when my bus was scheduled to leave on my final day in Vancouver. During the afternoon I went out and walked the seawall in Stanley Park one last time. I explored the forest tree filled area and loved it just as much as the beach, but I hadn’t explored this part of Stanley Park at all yet. Maybe it was showing me that there is beauty everywhere I looked, even in a place called Calgary.
During the early afternoon, I went down for a final trip to the beach. I was going to make a couple keepsakes while I was there to always remember my time spent in Vancouver. I chose the exact beach and general area that I had that profound 2 am experience several days prior.
After the beach, I went home to eat something and to pack the remainder of what I needed to bring in my suitcase and I put it by the door to wait for 10 pm to roll around which is around the time I needed to leave, my bus left at 12 midnight that night. During the evening, I went out for a final walk all along the seawall in Stanley Park one last time. I thought, one day I will return here with my family and show them all my favorite spots. For the first time, I decided to go further into the park and explore the more isolated forest tree area, and I actually loved the peace and serenity it had! So much less crowded, but just as much beautiful as the beach… Was I falling in love again with the trees?
Maybe it was showing me that there is beauty everywhere I look, even in a place,
I called home. I just never could see it before this trip.
So anyway, after my walk, when it was finally time to call the taxi to come pick me up and take me to the bus depot, I felt a little sad. I wasn’t scared anymore to call the taxi, now I was scared of what was after that. I was leaving this chapter and about to start a new one, and it is always sad saying bye to everyone and everything. You know you’ll likely never see them again, but you hope you will.
I said bye to John the night prior, and I said I would be back next summer no matter what! And he just smiled and said he hoped so, but you could tell he kinda knew you wouldn’t see each other again. And I haven’t been back like I said I would, not that I don’t want to, stuff just keeps getting in the way, and it’s really frustrating.
So you just say your goodbyes to the life you just lived, have a lot of “this is the last time ill ever…” moments, and hop in the taxi there to take you on your next adventure, but this time you aren’t looking down at your phone, but you’re staring out the window because you don’t want to miss a moment of this. You become extremely aware of the present moment so much more when you know this is an ending.
The ending of a chapter is always a challenge, you don’t know what is going to happen next, your options are absolutely unlimited, you can have, do or be anything you want!
I find the end of a life chapter exciting beyond measure.
You have no idea what is going to happen next.
Racing into the unknown.
A New Story Begins!