Chapter 1: Rock bottom
On the night of the great drunken 2 am ocean escapade, 3 things happened:
- I hit rock bottom
- I made a self-realization of who I really wanted to be in life
- and I had a crystal clear vision of what I needed to do next in my life became clear to me all of a sudden, which was that I needed to move back to Calgary.
I awoke the next morning hungover and I was covered in the sand!! It was all over me, and the sheets, and the floor, and some in the bathroom. My roommate was probably pissed. But I didn’t even care because I would be gone from his life soon enough anyways. I decided to get started right away to make plans on how to go back to Calgary.
I had done everything I needed to accomplish in Vancouver, and I had a great experience but it wasn’t where I needed to be anymore, so I needed to figure out a way home. Due to me stupidly selling my car thus not allowing me to simply hop in my car and drive home, I felt somewhat trapped in Vancouver, and that if I didn’t get out as soon as possible I could be trapped for life… Which was utterly terrifying for someone like me, I hate feeling trapped, in jobs, relationships, location… I needed to be a free bird!
The same day that I decided I would move back to Calgary, I decided to tell some of my closest friends back in Calgary, the ones I knew who would be excited that I was coming home. Later that day I dunno what happened, but I absolutely freaked out on my way to work for some reason, and had the most massive panic attack of my life when I arrived at the white spot.
I thought I was dying, it was terrifying. I couldn’t breathe, my heart was racing extremely fast, and I couldn’t stop crying. After being forced to stay there for an hour, they finally let me go home. I remember walking down the streets to my apartment which was about 10 minutes away, and I just couldn’t handle it. I fought to hold back the tears, and when I finally got to my apartment, I just cried. I am not sure what happened, but I don’t remember crying so much in my life, as I did that night.
I think I blacked out after that cause I don’t remember much of that night other than crying.
Oops nope, this was rock bottom.
Chapter 2: Climbing out of the hole
The very next day, I started making arrangements to get me out of this hell I had created of Vancouver as soon as I possibly could. I got my old job at the cafe back right away, I eventually quit my job at white spot at the end of the most awful shift ever on pirate pak day, I told my landlord I was going back to Calgary (which he was happy about because he wanted to come home and I was renting his room) and most importantly I started packing as few things as I possibly could.
**In part 1 I talked about how I was only allowed to bring 10% of my original belongings from Calgary when I moved to Vancouver, but now moving back I had to take that original 10% of what I thought I needed and turn it into 2% to bring back to Calgary.
I got rid of almost all of my stuff, except mostly the things that give me memories always seems to make the grade. Old journals, Photo albums, absolutely favorite clothing, favorite books, little nick knacks and memorabilia from long ago… I got rid of stuff that was expensive, like my computer monitor to make room for the cheap but valuable memory items.
Since then, I don’t buy nearly as much stuff as I used to. I actually started selling and donating a bunch of stuff in the last two months which seems to have built up again over the past 2 years again. It’s quite crazy how many clothes I acquired again… I have donated another couple of bags to the charity.
So anyways, I ended up putting 2 big bins and a duffle bag full of stuff onto a greyhound bus to have them ship it to Calgary for me, costing about $80 which for the expensive stuff I did take back with me, wasn’t much at all. I think I would have taken more if I had known it would be that cheap. I stuffed the remainder of what I needed to bring in my suitcase and waited that day for 7 pm to roll around which is when my bus was scheduled to leave on my final day in Vancouver. During the afternoon I went out and walked the seawall in Stanley park one last time. I explored the forest tree filled area and loved it just as much as the beach, but I hadn’t explored this part of Stanley park at all yet. Maybe it was showing me that there is beauty everywhere I looked, even in a place called Calgary.
During the early afternoon, I went down for a final trip to the beach. I was going to make a couple keepsakes while I was there to always remember my time spent in Vancouver. I chose the exact beach and general area that I had that profound 2 am experience several days prior.
After the beach, I went home to eat something and to pack the remainder of what I needed to bring in my suitcase and I put it by the door to wait for 10 pm to roll around which is around the time I needed to leave, my bus left at 12 midnight that night. During the evening, I went out for a final walk all along the seawall in Stanley park one last time. I thought, one day I will return here with my family and show them all my favorite spots. For the first time, I decided to go further into the park and explore the more isolated forest tree area, and I actually loved the peace and serenity it had! So much less crowded, but just as much beautiful as the beach… Was I falling in love again with the trees?
Maybe it was showing me that there is beauty everywhere I look, even in a place,
I called home. I just never could see it before this trip.
So anyways, after my walk, when it was finally time to call the taxi to come pick me up and take me to the bus depot, I felt a little sad. I wasn’t scared anymore to call the taxi, now I was scared of what was after that. I was leaving this chapter and about to start a new one, and it is always sad saying bye to everyone and everything. You know you’ll likely never see them again, but you hope you will.
I said bye to John the night prior, and I said I would be back next summer no matter what! And he just smiled and said he hoped so, but you could tell he kinda knew you wouldn’t see each other again. And I haven’t been back like I said I would, not that I don’t want to, stuff just keeps getting in the way, and it’s really frustrating.
So you just say your goodbyes to the life you just lived, have a lot of “this is the last time ill ever…” moments, and hop in the taxi there to take you on your next adventure, but this time you aren’t looking down at your phone, but you’re staring out the window because you don’t want to miss a moment of this. You become extremely aware of the present moment so much more when you know this is an ending.
The ending of a chapter is always a challenge, you don’t know what is going to happen next, your options are absolutely unlimited, you can have, do or be anything you want!
I find the end of a life chapter exciting beyond measure.
You have no idea what is going to happen next.
Racing into the unknown.
A New Story Begins!